Thing to get off my chest

This thing has been bugging me for a long long time. This relationship with whom I thought were my friends, having known them since my teenage years. Honestly, if it wasn't for 2 of my closest pals, I wouldn't have known either of them, much less be close to them.

I mean my 2 pals were absolutely smitten with them sisters. The 5 of us grew close over time. Went from being just girlfriends to my pals to being engaged and then, married. All the while, I began treating them like siblings. We went on holidays together. Visited one another very often. All their parents knew me and my wife.

Then, things began unravelling.

One of my pals spent time for criminal breach of trust while his wife stayed loyal and waited for him to be released. His wife was the younger sister and was a very patient woman. Cut things short, they finally got divorced over a year ago. All the while, I, stupidly and naively, thought I could help mend their marriage, realising now, I was only papering over the cracks and delaying the inevitable. Truth be told, I was being used to help sway everything her way. So, she got the house, the kids, everything. Not that my pal would have put up a strong fight in the first place. For I know, it killed him the day he signed the papers.

Honestly, it wasn't just me. Even my wife got sucked into all that pity line she was spewing to all and sundry. Had a major shock when someone I barely knew back in school asked me what was going on between them. I then found out that she had been sharing her sob story to every one who was going to listen. And boy, did she play that role.

Now, I'm seeing signs of trouble between my other pal and the older sister. Keeping my distance this time. After what happened the last time we had a chat, you're treading this path on your own, unless you ask me for advise.

Good luck buddy.

That realisation

I just realised what a terrible husband and what a horrible person I am.

The better half made me realise all that. Yeah, I'll admit that I do feel the need to feel that I am better than others. And that cascades down to my relationship with her.

Lately, she's been coming home tired and unable to do the housework. Much to my chagrin, I did everything from laundry to kitchen. All the while muttering under my breath. All the while harbouring disdain while she slept.

And when I justify that, I was shot down faster than an Indian fighter jet.

Well, I guess I deserved what was coming. Must learn that I am not that much better than those around me.

Work-Life Balance

Singaporeans are hard-working people, period.

We are one of the most hardworking people in the world. Just look at the nhmber of public holidays we get per year. 11, a measly 11. Far behind what our neighbors enjoy. Even the industrious Japanese get something like 18 days.

We don't work 9 to 5. We work 8 to 6. Some leave home before the sun rises and gets home after the sun sets, leaving precious little for social, personal and family time. One of those precious holidays is the Lunar New Year, where the streets and malls of our sunny island gets practically deserted.

We work so hard that sometimes we forget about those important things in life. Things far more important than work, such as family, health and friends. You see, some of us feel the burdened by the responsibilities of work, that we neglect the reasons we work.

My boss gave me a piece of advice which I hold. He said, "Work is work. No matter whether you are here or not, work carries on. No one is indispensible, anywhere. If something happens to you today, tomorrow, someone else will take over your work. Always remember the reasons why you work and who you are doing this work for. It should never be for your employer, cos your employer will not take care of you when you are sick. At the most, you get condolences and a wreath."

Which brings me to why I am feeling aggrieved. My 2 yr old had a bout of fever and upset stomach leading to vomitting and diarrhoea. Things got worse on the day after the 2 days of Lunar New Year. I was already at the office when I got the call thay he vomitted twice and shit his pants twice. I took 2 days off.

My other half decided she could only take time off work on Thursday and went back to work after accompanying my son and I to the doc. Now, I have no qualms taking care of my kids on my own, I really don't. However, the reason for her not taking the day off for her sick son really bothered me.

Worse to follow was me having to do all the housework till 2am, including washing, airing and folding laundry till 2am while she slept from 10pm really got to me. Not only that, I vacuumed and mopped the whole house on account of my sick son. Her reason for not taking care of our son was that she got tons of work to do and can ill-afford the tine away from work.

If that is not hardworking, I don't know what is. For now, I am just keeping score.

A new beginning, perhaps...

Hello me!

It's been a while, a really long while.

Since the last time I penned (or typed) my thoughts down, a lot has changed. The family has grown to party of 6. Nope, there won't be a 7th. The 4th one is a constant reminder of how old, flabby, unfit and ill-equipped I really am. Yup, even after 4 kids, I am learning that I really am ill-equipped.

Why, one might ask, do I feel this way?

Simple, the more I learn, the less I know, I've come to realize. Parenting isn't what it used to be. I've learnt that parents need to learn the language with which our kids communicate. We need to be in tune to the challenges and the needs of their generation. Where we once thrived in a hands-off approach, the new generation doesn't seem to be able to function without guidance. While, there are instances where my kids have shown their independence, my wife and I find ourselves interjecting just when we thought they knew the drill.

We went through some talks about parenting in this age, and what we learnt is that we have to know when to step in and when to let them be. Easier said than done. When asked who her BFF in school was, my wife and I got worried when my 12-year old answered nonchalantly that she had none. Then, I worried she was going to be an old spinster living on her own accompanied by 50 cats. Well, that's just me.

My soon to be 9 year old, on the other hand, is growing up to be somewhat independent while managing to be oblivious to his surroundings. I mean, he knows the drills, but needs constant reminder that it's time to do those drills. We have to constantly sit him down and help him achieve his nirvana for him to accomplish his tasks properly. Now, I don't subscribe to ADHD/ADD and all that. I just don't think it's healthy for him to be labelled as such and have it define him. I will not allow him to any of us to limit his potential by saying that there are limits to what he can do.

The third one is a princess. A real princess. She loves to be pampered, she loves the attention and there is a proper way to do thing - her way. If she is forced to do things in a way that does not please her, she'd breakdown. Apart from that, she's just daddy's lil princess. She'd rather be with me than with her grandparents or aunt, no matter how much she is bribed by rewards of a nice holiday or what not. Can't blame her for that - daddy's awesome.

The last one, the baby, the boy who can't stop is pretty much like Jack Jack in the Incredibles 2. A hoot to have around; if you can live with the mess he leaves behind. His boundless energy leaves all of us gasping for air and on the verge of tapping out. We won't have it any other way. He was unplanned, but God has better plans for us.

Now, why do I suddenly feel the urge to pen down my thoughts here again and awaken the dormant beast? Simple, too much on my mind and my self-imposed exile from social media, namely Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Need that avenue to rave and rant as I have always done without putting a face or name to anyone.

I miss that...

Time for reflections

It's 9 day into the fasting month, and all seems ok. In my last post, I mentioned about 2 of my friends having marital problems. Well, one has just started her divorce proceeding while the other seems to have taken my advice and is working hard on her marriage. Well, I sincerely hope and pray that whatever happens.it's for the best.

It's also National Day today. A day we celebrate our independence. A month we fly our flags with pride and partake in the festivities of the National Day Parade. Or do we?

For one, I've never hung the National Flag outside my house. secondly, I've never watched the National Day Parade live except on TV. Lastly, most years, I'm on holiday away from Singapore, invariably, KL. My parents, always cynical about the government, always said that it's just a PR excercise replete with the chest-thumping and cheering.

Frankly, I couldn't care less.

Why the apathy? I love my country tho, just that I detest the way it's been run over the years. Yes, some said do not mix national pride with political alignment. Really? Then, why do I see a PAP contingent at every National Day Parade?

Over the years, the influx of foreigners has been a major sticking point. And it hit raw nerves everytime I read abt the foreigners making it look like this is their country. I have, at times, clenched my fist and take deep breaths in trying not to blow my top and spout expletives towards them.

Disillusioned, defnitely. Till we have a democratic society based on justice and equality, I'll probably never have that much pride in National Day.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Captain Invisible and the weight of the world on his shoulders......

Some things just don't change do they. It's tiring and trying.

For the longest time, I've had to deal with this. It's like trying to pull a strand of hair from a pile of flour without making a mess or breaking that hair. Difficult? I think it's much easier than having to go thru this.

Thing is, I still don't get any respect from my in-laws' family. They hardly ever talk to me. They hardly ever ask me for help even though it is my help that they need. They never say thanks to me. And if they need my help, they ask of it through my wife. So what does that make me? The President of Singapore? A rubber stamp?

The whole issue is my FIL has had a stomach operation about a month ago. The diagnosis, in the end was colorectal cancer, I think. I've never really gotten along with my BILs, 10 years after first meeting them. And that is not about to change anytime soon. Thing is, my dealings with them over these last few weeks only reinforces that.

How could a son actually suggested putting his father in a nursing home while he recovers from an operation?
How could a son pass the buck and ask his younger sister to take care of his father? Am I invisible here? There's no need to ask the head of your sister's family?
How could a son ask his sister to thank his wife for taking care of his father? Is not enough that you thank your wife?

It's bad, but I still can take it. My wife, being a dutiful daughter sought my permission to bring her father to a sinseh or Chinese Traditional Medicine Practitioner to get medicine for him when he already has the chemo medication which costs $800. I said no. Told her to wait till Saturday. Told her in no uncertain terms that her father and brother asked for her help, not mine.

What pissed me off was my wife asking me to take leave to bring her dad to the sinseh despite my having told her to wait till Saturday, I was being bugged to take time off when I simply can't.

It gets old. Here I am, 3 kids and 5 years on from when this problem first surfaced back in 2006, still facing the same problems. Still Captain Invisible with the weight of the world on my shoulders........

The need to spread my seeds..........

A friend confided in me about her marital problems. Seems like after all these years, the impression I've left on her is one of a trustworthy friend. I'm honored.

It all started cos a mutual friend is going through a stick patch, what with her husband publicly changing his status from being married to his wife to being in a relationship with his girlfriend. Guess still waters runs deep, I guess. All this while, they were a picture perfect family. Always doing things together. Or, so I thought. But I'm not gonna speculate.

The question my friend asked me is why betray her trust and has all her sacrifices for the family for naught?

It's kinda hard isn't it? To try and make sense of the nonsensical. When news break of such betrayals, it makes it even harder. It's hard to try rationalising why such things happen, but the fact of the matter is, it does. No matter how we gloss over the facts, it's there, like a bad zit that just wun go away.

I told her, quite simply, I can't judge her husband or her, simply because I do not know their relationship and the dynamics of it although I know both of them personally. The thing about guys is, we do not equate love with sex while women do. Using the analogy of cars, I told her that a guy will test drive a few cars before he settles for one. Even then, he will still test drive other cars just to get a feel of it. Women, on the other hand, buys the car and feels contented as long as the car does its job.

Man is weak. He needs no invitations to vice. In fact, he'll seek it out just to see how far he can go. And go he will. Plain and simple.

I'm not saying that cheating is tolerable and to be expected cos once you've signed that document, you are committing your life to that once person. But in reality, it's much more easier to say than to actually commit to it. The question that needs to be answered is whether one can forgive their spouse and whether or not they can live with past transgressions.

Assuming the answer is yes, the road ahead is rocky and full of potholes, but if one makes it through, the results might just be that much more gratifying.

If the answer is no, then there's not much else to say, is there?

Catch-22

Sigh.

Some friends I have huh. None actually messaged me to ask what happened to my account. Best part is , I actually SMSed one of my supposed close friends a happy birthday and not a word of thanks, nada! This just confirms my thoughts that if I really kicked it in, no one would know.

Question is, is it their fault or mine? Well, I'd leave it at that. I dun really feel lonely. I dun have that need to let everyone know I passed some test or I ate a this fancy restaurant or I bought my wife an expensive gift. Different strokes I guess.

Over the weekend, I was faced with the dilemma most parents face - letting their kids go. In my case, it's the perpetual tug-of-war for time with the kids between the parents and grandparents. Yeah, mundane, but you see, in my case, it can be more difficult than running across the PIE without getting run over. The problem that my wife and I face is the fact that my parents tend to be a little irreverent when it comes to time with my kids.

Honestly, I've never had a problem when my parents wanted to bring my kids out. I'm more than happy because it gives my wife and I a little time to ourselves. However, my daughter can be a handful, and being daddy's little girl, she's much more emotionally attached to me than anyone else. My son, equally a handful, is mommy's boy. So, taking them away from us requires a little bit of tact.

The problem came when my parents decided, at the last minute, after our late-lunch-cum-early-dinner, to take my daughter out "to a special place" and refused to tell us where it was. I relented, as I always do, even though it was 6pm and the next day was a school day, with the proviso that she does not come home late as she has homework to do. So, the 3 of us went home while my daughter followed my parents.

Fast forward to 9.30, I had finished my class and was getting worried that my daughter is not home yet. As it turned out, my parents also brought along our niece, who was sleeping earlier, and had to be woken up. My sister-in-law messaged my wife to ask if we knew where the kids were, and we didn't. I called my mom and, lo and behold, I heard an overseas ringing tone. That's not right, I thought. When my mom picked up the phone, she straightaway said that they were caught in an unexpected jam.

An unexpected jam on the causeway??? At almost 10pm on a Sunday night????? I was peeved to say the least. Why on earth did they venture across the causeway at 6pm on a Sunday in the first place????

Deciding not to wait around, I told my maid to get my son to sleep while my wife and I made our way to my brother's house where my parents would drop my niece first before sending my daughter home. In any case, I wanted to pass my nephew his belated 1st birthday present. So, we went, and we waited, the four of us sitting around feeling all frustrated.

All the while, lamenting the fact that if we didn't allow our parents to bring their grandkids out, we'd have an earful of their comments, especially my mom, and my younger sis. And when we do relent, this is the kind of things that happen. Frustrating is an understatement.

And now they want to bring our kids to Hong Kong at year's end. Should I let my kids go with them??????

About respect and hope for the future

2nd day of my FB acct deactivation, and yes, I'm suffering some withdrawal symptoms but not enough for me to reactivate it. For one, it's much less painful not to know that some "friends" are blocking you and some "friends" don't really care. So, for now I will not be tempted to reactivate the account.

There so much to talk about nowadays: the tsunami hitting Japan (my condolences to all who lost their lives), the nuclear plant in Fukushima being close to another Three Mile Island or Chernobyl incident ( my respects to those workers risking their lives so that others may live) and the upcoming GE. Life sure is interesting - much more interesting than proclaiming one's passing of a simple driving theory test and the chest thumping that followed.

I was reading an article about how the Japanese were reacting to this calamity, and I'm in awe. The calmness, orderliness and dignity with which life went on even at ground zero is beyond commendable. It really serves as a great example to us here in Singapore where even giving up one's seat on the MRT to someone who needs it more is a big deal for most of us. And what about the Fukushima 50 as the media calls them. I'm sure there are more than just the 50 who deserves special mention.

To risk your life and risk suffering unimaginable pain from radiation sickness is testament to the Japanese people's strength and courage. I am reminded of the nuclear accident aboard the Soviet nuclear submarine, K-19 in 1961 where the actions of a handful of men, some of whom gave their lives, were responsible in averting a nuclear disaster. The major difference is the level of preparedness that the Japanese had and that allowed them to react positively in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds.

Some time ago, there was talk of Singapore building our own nuclear plant to supplement the existing energy plants currently in operation. In light of the events of Fukushima, I hope that plan gets canned permanently. While other countries has the land mass to cope with such a disaster, where are we to go if an accident ala Three Mile Island or Chernobyl were to happen. Like they say, accidents happen.

Talking about accidents, is it me or is the recent "generous" budget announcements came at such a time to coincide with the upcoming GE? A sweetener to entice our votes perhaps. To some, $600 or $800 they are getting are a reprieve. But do these people really care about politics or are they more concerned with the daily grind of everyday life? Does one really think that the cash handout will make a difference, economically or socially?

They way I see it, the people who need it aren't concerned with the politics. The people who are concerned with the politics dun need it as much. To the poor, $600 or $800 makes a whole lot of difference. To the rich folks with a Bentley, Merc and 2 Lambos in their driveway, that $200 isn't even enough to cover their manicure sessions monthly, not like they need it in the first place.

Those who know me will testify that I'm a very vocal person. I like to speak my mind. I like to debate though I may not be as eloquent as some of my contemporaries. Hence, this GE is a very exciting one for me, since the last time I voted, we were not faced with issues such as million-dollar pay for our ministers who keep extolling "cheaper, better, faster", high income disparity, perpetually rising costs of living, higher housing prices and stagnating salaries. The last GE, my constituency had a walkover - what a bummer.

So, I await the start of the campaigning with bated breath. No guesses where my vote will go tho.

Back with a whimper.....

Damn!! It's been 2 years since I last posted something here. I dunno, maybe I'm getting too old? Then again, I wouldn't be too far off if I said that I neglected my post mainly due to the fact that I got addicted to Facebook.....

What is it about Facebook, I'll just shorten it to FB from here on for all intent and purpose, that makes it so addictive? Then again, the same could be said of Friendster, Multiply and other iterations of social media before FB. So what is it?

Personally, I thought it would have been a fun way to reconnect with old friends. Friends whom I have lost touch with since we parted ways in Primary School, Secondary School and Pre-U. Heck, I even tried looking up my buddy from BMT, whom I have since lost touch with. Truth be told, I even searched for my ex-es, though I never contemplated adding them as friends, that would have been awkward for me, especially considering how some of the relationships ended.

I did question myself what I was doing in FB. I posted some funny comments, some witty ones, some provocative ones and some mundane ones too. But I came to realise that FB was a good way to gauge your popularity. It showed how many real friends you have, how many people actually read your posts and who really cared.

Truth be told, I've never had 1 best friend who stuck with me through the years. 1 best friend who'd call me every now and then to ask how I was, to ask me out, to spend time in a cafe drinking coffee. Heck, I've never had a group of friends who were constantly with me. It's always a different group through each phase. And they never hung ard after each phase.

My best friend in Primary School are not close to me at all, more like acquaintances.
My best buddy in Secondary School has kindof disappeared from my life totally.
My best friends from Pre-U are now in-laws to each other and spend more time with their family.
And then there are the friends from Secondary School who seem to go out of their way not to include me in their clique, by disabling me to see their posts, much less put a comment on their wall......oh well, we've never liked each other since we met I guess. Why, I never knew......and content to leave it that way anyway.

No, I'm not sore or anything. Why should I? I guess that's just how life is. Sure, I'll freely admit that I do feel left out when I see posts from my so-called friends about outings, celebrations or just gatherings I wasn't invited to. I mean, who wouldn't when you are told that it's a family affair only to see other friends being invited. Says a lot, doesn't it?

Well, back to FB. I have concluded that FB, as a social media works wonders. It allows you to reconnect with long lost friends and keep up to date with your friends' lives. But at the same time, it also opens up your eyes who your friends really are. On the other hand, it also shows how friendless you really are if, like me, you've disabled your FB profile and no one messages you to ask what happened to your profile.

So much for having 200+ friends on my FB.

Donkey Brained

I read with utter disgust the newspaper report about the Malay women being used as drug mules with one lady going so far to marry the man she thought she loved. It seems these Africans target plump Malay women. I'll touch on that later.

Love blinds. No disputing that.

When I was working in my first job, my then trainer made a comment about plump Malay girls who like to dress up, party and have fun and the African guys who go out with some of them. He said that the Africans go out with these girls because no other local guys would give them a second look. While I try not to be so direct, there is some truth in that statement. And while I do agree that not all African men are like that, too many black sheep make in unavoidable to treat all of them with myopic thoughts.

The African men, some being Muslim, will almost always play the religion card to work their way into the hearts and mind of their prey. Showered with 'love' and 'affection', these girls are easy meat. I mean, give any guy a choice between a pretty young thing and a plump girl, the choice is just too obvious right? Add to that, our preoccupation with having a family of our own, it makes our women easy prey, especially to the smooth-talkers.

Now, it may be easy to target these women, but I have to ask, are our women that stooopid to be used in that manner? Can't they see the tell-tale signs of drug trafficking? Is there really such a thing as easy money? Why are they paying thousands for you to go on a trip?

Personally, I don't feel an ounce of sympathy for these women. God gave you a brain to think, weigh things over and decide for a reason. So that we know what's right and what's wrong.

You know that pre-marital sex is forbidden, yet, you do it with these men.
You know that it makes no sense for you to be paid to take a short holiday.
You know that drug trafficking is a serious offense in many countries, with punishment including death.

Then, why do you put yourself in such a situation?
Love may be blind, but if you are that stupid, you deserve to be called a mule.

Happily ever after.....hopefully

I was watching the Malay variety program Kpak Bing Bing, essentially the sound of the kompang when it's played, the other day and something struck me. No, not physically. I was watching the couple recounting their first meeting, how he summoned up the courage to approach the girl and the happily ever after ending to the romance.

And it hit me.

I can't recall any incident in which I approached someone whom I don't already know with the intention to date her. Eversince, I started having any sort of interest in a girl, which was way back in Primary 6, by the way, I have never really approached anyone with the singular intention of dating her. I have no idea how I snagged my first love back in Secondary 2, though I suspect it could have something to do with those revisions we had together. In reality, I have no confidence in making that first move. I only made a move on her after she reciprocated my suggestive talk, yeah, I was a smooth talker even back then. In any case, that puppy love was never gonna work out, though an attempt to rekindle the embers was carried out some years later, again with disastrous results.

Honestly, I have lost count of the number of girls who caught my eye. No, I'm no casanova. It's just that there are certain traits these girls posses that I admire. In 90% of those times when I had that flutter in my substantial tummy, I let the butterflies free, reasoning that the girl in my sights was too good for me. In fact, it's just that I've got no confidence nor the courage to make that move. Inevitably, I had a lot of god-sisters, none of which was intended to be that way, for sure. It was all the craze back then, and me being the ever obliging person that I am, just can't say no to the juniors who started calling me abang - just not in the way that I envisaged.

Ever heard the phrase, NS will change a guy?

That phrase couldn't be more true than in me. While I'm still the excitable and still the obliging person that I am, I became more courageous, when it comes to girls, of course. Where I used to be utterly content with admiring a girl from a far, I became more confident and more assured of myself and was more plucky to make that move. Talking about making moves, I'll freely admit that I met my wife through the Internet. I was just starting work after finishing my NS and was working the night shift most of the time. The long chats became even longer, and I asked her out after she sent me a photo of her, though, I din fancy her initially when I got hold of that photo.

My initial reaction to meeting her was, "Did she have to bring a platoon down?". You see, she had her best friends accompany her, all 4 of them, though they left after meeting me - to gossip about us for sure.. The second reaction was that her friend is pretty and yes, I did tell her that. As time went by, we fell in love and the rest is, as they say history.

The reason I'm blabbering on and on is because what struck me was the connection and bond these husbands and wives shared. Something, quite admittedly is lacking in our marriage. It seems that they embody the term a loving couple. I mean, we are not lovey-dovey and can't-take-me-eyes-off-you kind of couple. We don't always hold hands while walking in public, we don't always engage in hugs-and-kisses when out and about. We don't even say mushy things to each other. If either one does, the other would go are you feeling alright? And we irritate each other more than we encourage.

I know some would say that it's not a sign of a healthy marriage. We had a chat about this and one thing we both agreed on is that the strength of our marriage is evident in the fact that despite all the speed bumps and potholes we have come across in our marriage, including those times we thought about separation, the wheels won't be falling off this wagon at the distant future. I'll admit that I'm no angel and there are times when I do act like a jerk (which guy doesn't, right?) but that does not mean I love her any less. In fact, with time, the love that's keeping us together is still as strong, if not stronger.

A joke we share between ourselves is that I conned her into marrying me. In all honesty, I'm glad I managed to con her into being my wife. She may not be the perfect wife, but she is as close as it gets for me.

The day I got out of the car to help.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The hope behind the hype

We have been down in the doldrums for quite some time. It's been one whammy after another and the already slowing economy is being pounded. Honestly, if this was a boxing match, the match would have been stopped long ago by the referee. Thankfully, we aren't. Fact is governments all over the world are tripping over themselves trying to pump more cash into the markets to stimulate the economy to reignite the sputtering fire.

Amid all the gloom and doom, we are given a ray of hope. Like the first rays of light shining through an overcast sky after a huge downpour, Barack Obama stands tall proclaiming his and USA's readiness to lead once again. His inaugural speech, cheered by millions the world over, talks of hope, unity, recovery and respect. Riding on the crest of the highest approval rating of any President in recent history, his inauguration has brought hope to everyone. The last 8 years, fraught with controversies, bloodshed and sheer arrogance, has precipitated most of the goodwill the world had for Americans in the aftermath of Sept 11.

From the streets of New York to the slums of Jakarta, from lands of Palestine pock-marked with bomb craters to the spotless avenues in Singapore, Americans are once again filled with pride while the rest of us are full hope. At the same time, we all know who was full of crap and himself. Obama has the opportunity to be the man of the century if he manages to clean up the mess left behind by the previous administration. He is at the cusps of greatness if he succeeds in dealing with theso called Axis of Evil without spilling a drop of blood. He is at the doorstep of immortality if he could resolve the Middle East conflict which no one else has ever come close to do.

For, if he does all those he set out to do, then his place in history is assured and will be spoken of fondly long after he is gone. Personally, I hope and pray that he does succeed for we have all waited for someone to do so for the longest time. Somehow, someone always manages to make a mess out of it even more. Case in point, the last 8 years. the change will not only do USA a whole lot of good, but hopefully, the world too. WORLD PEACE!!!!!

Speaking of hope, the recent budget announcement by the Finance Minster was also one eagerly anticipated, perhaps more so than the last few years. After months of downward adjustments of national growth, nothing could have lifted up the spirit and soul of the average Singaporean with a nice big hong bao before the Lunar New Year. The announcement of a $20.5 billion Resilience Package, while not meant to boost the economy into a quick recover, will definitely help to cushion the blows we have been taking over the months.

In truth, most of the moolah will go into job preservation and help for companies stay afloat. The only significant handout was the extra GST credit payout, to me at least. While some of us may groan, let us not forget to look at the bigger picture. While having a few hundred more in the pocket from the govenment would have been welcome, it doesn't address the issue of relevance. Times change and so does the market and expectations. We can't expect the jobs we have held for the last 5 years to remain as it is without any added skill needed. We all want a quick fix, but since when has a quick fix worked. Go ask Dubya, he knows quick fixes.

While I am glad with the budget, I'm not overly ecstatic as I'm not deriving much benefit from it - for now. However, again, looking at the bigger picture, it does mean that I am less likely to be retrenched now, and for that I am grateful. Let's hope that the grey skies above us will clear soon or I'll have to buy a boat.

Can we be proud?

"Tak hilang Melayu di dunia"

The words attributed to being said by Hang Tuah, the legendary Malay hero from the Malaccan Sultanate era which basically means Malays and our culture will never be gone from the face of the Earth. It has been perennially used by us Malays for centuries to stoke the flame of Malay nationalism especially across the Causeway. I do find it ticklish when politicians across the Causeway brandish the keris at the National Assembly to emphasize the right of the Malays to rule Malaysia. We'll talk politics some other time though.

We Malays have always been known for their hospitality, pride, social grace and community spirit. At the same time, many see our relaxed disposition and happy-go-lucky nature as signs of laziness and lackadaisical attitude, though, in some cases, nothing could be further from the truth. While we excel in some, okay, few things, football - just look at the national squad - and music - Singapore Idol, Live the Dream anyone? - amongst our favourite pastimes, we have shown a lot of improvement as a community. Our median income has improved, many more of us are PMETs as compared to a time when being a despatch rider or a clerk was an achievement.

Unfortunately, our record as a community speaks for itself. We have the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Singapore despite being a minority and being mainly Muslim where premarital sex is forbidden. We also have the distinction of having the highest divorce rates and the lowest median income rates. Oh, and not forgetting the highest drug addiction rates in the whole country.Then again, these does not worry me. It's been like that for years and will probably change only after I'm gone.

What I am disturbed about is the news of the 2 year old girl dying, allegedly, at the hands of her father over a pack of cigarettes she played with. This is not the first case where an innocent toddler died after being abused - both at the hands of their caregivers. Both cases involved Malay families. It's disturbing to me that something so trivial could lead to something so tragic. Remember 10-yr old Nurul Huda Abdul Ghani and how she died at a guardhouse at Gelang Patah and who could forget Nurasyura Mohd Fauzi aka Nonoi? It's so untypically Malay to be violent but it's happening more and more

What strikes me is the name of the girl and the appearance of the father. Natalie Nikie Alisyia is not a Malay name by any stretch of imagination and it looks strange when appended with the father's name, Sallehan. I saw a photo of the father in the papers just now and the thing that caught my eye was the tattoos on his arm. Well, this case is far from being resolved and no use speculating over what happened because it already did and an innocent life was snuffed out way before her time.

Honestly, I have heard of Malay babies with non-Malay names like Edgar, and the tattoos no longer shock me. As Malays, and invariably, Muslims, we are encouraged to give our children good names in the hope that they will live up to the meaning. While I'm aware that it's pretty much a personal choice, it really just shows to an erosion of our rich Malay heritage and culture. Same goes for tattoos, drugs and alcohol. They are forbidden in Islam, the religion which most, if not all Malays profess - even they profess it selectively like Hari Raya, yet we see so many Malays indulging in these vices.

Best part of it all, we seem to brush off these facts with brazen nonchalance. Don't believe me? Go and ask any Malay who is drinking or has many tattoos and the answer you'd get is invariably, Lu punya kubur lu jawab, gua punya kubur gua jawab, Lu tak happy lu boleh gi mampos, which basically means, civilly put, go mind your own business.

Have we lost our identity as Malays? Or is it that we are so engrossed in redefining what it means to be Malay that we lost touch with our past? Or perhaps, being Malay means nothing to us that we have to forge a new identity based on western ideas and ways of life? Maybe, just maybe, our traditional way of life is no longer enough to satiate the insatiable.

What then of our culture, heritage and the words of the Laksmana?

I'm leaving on a jet plane.....

In a few hours time, I'll be in Langkawi. It will be Izzati's first flight and our 2nd trip there after our honeymoon. She's barely past 1 and she's already flying. I was 16 before I first flew in an airplane to Jakarta. Boy, was I excited back then.

The last time we were there, we had quite a good time but didn't really know how to spend our time meaningfully. We didn't do much planning ahead and did things on the fly. Now, we are much better prepared for the trip and with my parents and sister coming along, it will be easier for us with Izzati in tow.

This is probably my shortest entry as I am leaving in an hours' time. So, au revoir.

The round that shook us all

The bullet does not have eyes.

Heard that a thousand times but it never really meant much to me. Not until the events of recent days. Yeap, I'm referring to the murder of Ms Lo Hwei Yen in Mumbai - a victim of international terrorism. By now, many, if not all Singaporeans would have read or heard about the incident.

For the longest time, we have all stood by and watched as terror attacks unfolded around the world. World Trade Center, Madrid, London and Bali have all experienced these first-hand and no Singaporean was ever fatally caught in the crossfire. Until now. We can't deny the fact all this while, we feel detached from the realities of such attacks as few of us had experienced it first hand. When I first read the news 2 days ago, my immediate reaction was one of sympathy to the family of the deceased.

I'm not going to tarnish the memories of the innocent deceased such as Ms Lo by saying they deserved it, because they didn't. No one deserved it. No one deserves to spend their last moments staring down the barrel of an AK-47 alone and terrified, away from loved ones. No one deserves to go without the chance for a proper goodbye. As I read the papers these past few days, I felt the grief felt by those left behind - directly feeling the repercussions of that shot. When I saw the husband's press conference, my heart went out to him - I felt his pain. As deep as his grief, there are still many more who are worse off than him in this aftermath.

I can't fathom how the 10 attackers went ahead with their plan. Dismissing any notion of humanity, bereft of any sense of remorse and devoid of any compassion, they went into Mumbai to face their destiny - one which is misguided by the carrots dangled before them. Jihad was the buzz word. It was their way of justifying the murder of hundreds. The words of the Prophet - taken way out of context - was their salvation. But to me, there is no Jihad. Theirs was a political goal from the onset. Hiding behind the cloak that is Islam,they launched the attacks, in the name of Allah - or so they say.

As much as I empathise with the troubles many Muslims around the world face, what with the atrocities committed in Israel, the violation of sovereignty in Afghanistan and Iraq , there can be no justification for such acts of terror. Using the words of the Prophet PBUH, all taken in the wrong context to suit their skewed mentality and crooked political aims, they use jihad as the unifying call to arms for all Muslim to resort to terrorism. Personally, I don't buy that. Oppression? What Oppression? The way I see it, there is no religious justification for attacks on civilian targets no matter what they say.

To me, it's all political. Taleban in Afghanistan, Hamas in Palestine, Abu Sayyaf in Philippines, Lashkar-E-Taiba in Pakistan, JI in SEA and Al-Qaeda everywhere else are not religious entities who are fighting oppression, they are political entities with a greater aim than just jihad. In any case, Jihad doesn't have to be a military struggle. The reality of it is that there is probably nowhere in the world right now where Jihad is really justified.

To those who lost loved ones, I can only send my condolences and only some words of sympathy. For those amongst us who are not directly affected, it's a warning that has really hit home. The question to be asked is probably, would we want to sacrifice the peace and harmony we have here in order to realise our political aims?

Going toe to toe.....

I guess everyone has read or heard about the guy who went toe to toe with the white tiger and never came back. Why he went into the tiger enclosure in full view of all those visitors and tourists no one may ever know. Speculation abounds on his mental well-being and his motivations. A million question can be raised on what happened that fateful day, none of which could be conclusively answered.

At the very least, to the people who really mattered, his family, there was closure in the video which the deceased's sisters saw. They now know that it was no accident and there was no foul play involved. They also know now how much his family meant to him. What was clear from the video was this - he took a walk on the wild side, went for a dip and got scared and panicked when the tiger came up to him to say hello and invite him to play.

I recall a scene from an old black and white movie from the P. Ramlee era with the immortal line - kalau harimau tu ngap, saya tinggal ngep.

Like what Mr T always say - Pity the fool.

The one thing that struck a chord in me is the deceased's love for his family and his family's realisation that they meant the world to him. While he has gone, the ones left behind are left with a million what ifs. It's something that happens everywhere. We all take the people who matters most for granted sometimes and by the time we realise how much they meant to us, they're no longer there.

Sometimes, we talk to our family members with utmost disdain - that's me with my BILs - even if we don't mean it when they annoy us. We use their possessions without asking first and when we do ask for permission, it's sounds more like an expectation rather than a request. We use their stuff without any hint of responsibility and deny culpability when the things we used are damaged or in need of repairs. We talk down to our other half and to our young siblings. And we make no apologies for it.

Blame it on familiarity. Blame it on the safety net. Blame it familial ties. Blame it on the comfort zone. Blame it on everything but ourselves. We take things for granted. We demand that the car keys be handed over rather than asking for it with the slightest hint of politeness. When we do get the keys, there's no gratitude. We use our sibling's bike or MP3 player and we make no apologies if we happen to puncture a tyre or skidded and damaged the bike or damaged the MP3 player by dropping it in water.

As family, we expect to be forgiven and the misdeed brushed over. We expect our brother to give us the car key on demand, our sister to forget the big scratch on her MP3 player we borrowed, our father to pay for the damage we caused to the bike/car when we used it and we expect them not to bear grudges against us. But at the same time we cry foul if they damaged one of our possessions or demand that we hand over our possessions for them to borrow. We cry foul when our younger siblings disrespect us but we forget that we disrespected them too.

Honestly, I'm guilty of some of the above at some point or another. I'm not proud of it but I'll admit it. I'm no angel, I have disrespected my wife online (on these blogs no less), I have talked down my sister before and I have borrowed (more like demand) my family members' belongings for my own personal use.

Still, at the end of the day, our family would still forgive and accept us. But if we still find ourselves at the end of snide remarks such as Go get yourself a car or Are you really that poor to own an MP3 player, then we probably are still stepping on their toes.

Of hope and fear

Yeay!!!! Obama Won!!!

Wait a minute, I have no idea why I am rejoicing. The word on the street was one of optimism with stock markets the world over rallying at the news. Personally, as with many Singaporeans, I have no idea? what they were politicking about. Though many rooted for Obama, I doubt they knew what Obama's political allegiance was, much less his ideals. Was he a Democrat or Republican? Heck I don't even know one from the other.

Still, any idiot could have done better than the prick they now call Mr President. 8 years in charge with practically nothing to show for. The initial support GWB received in the wake of Sept 11 precipitated quickly and any sympathy garnered then quickly turned into disdain at the unilateralism and heavy handed approach. One suspects that in spite of his failings, he could have well worn that smug look at the dinner table, winking at his dad, probably saying, "Dad, I may not have achieved much but I got Saddam for you!".

Yeah, he got Saddam but look at the devastation he left behind. Iraq, in spite of Saddam's dictatorship and iron fist, was rather peaceful; just look at it now. GWB, to me, is like the Sheriff of the cowboy towns of the Wild West. He wades into a standoff with guns blazing and leaves behind a trail of destruction. When the smoke clears, you can see him sitting in a corner with that smug look on his face, thinking - "Hey, I got him didn't I?"

At least we all know Obama's not that much of a cowboy.

A little close to home, I read in the papers the other day about the stepfather who was jailed for child abuse all because he caned his stepson 100 times for incessant lying. In all honesty, I was shocked. Not at the number of times the boy was caned but the fact that he got jailed for it. My initial reaction was one of disbelief. Caned a 100 times? C'mon, many of us have gone through worse punishment than that; some of us had to endure inch thick leather belts complete with buckles. I had fresh red chilli smeared on my mouth for lying to my mom - and let me tell you the lingering aftertaste was enough to remind me from lying again.

I mean news such as this would play on the back of every parent who has to instill some form of discipline in their children. The parent would always be thinking if corporal punishment would lead to allegations of child abuse. We have to look at the physique of the child, the circumstances that led to corporal punishment and the gravity of the offence. It seems that corporal punishment is frowned upon more than ever. Gone were the days when the school rascals would get public caning - many parents won't allow their children to go through such punishment in school. Now, it seems that even the parents are not allowed to cane their children. Teachers are taught to look out for signs of child abuse such as cane marks on the children. However, upon reflection, I do agree that caning 100 times may be a bit excessive.

Personally, I believe that corporal punishment is a punishment that has to remain, even if it exists only as a threat. While children cannot be allowed to live in a climate of fear, there has to be an element of fear which will stop them from doing an act. Where discipline was once based on fear, parents have had to deal wiith ever more inquisitive children who not only defy them but question them. Where the standard answer of children in the face of an instruction use to be OK or Yes Mom/Dad/Sir, that has given way to but why.

Given the choice I couldn't resort to caning or belting by child. However, if she did step out of line I would. It all boils down to control. In order to have control over your children, you have to have control over yourself first. My guess is that was where the parent who was jailed failed. The lines that separate disciplinary measures and child abuse gets blurrier every minute we lose control of ourselves

My disappointment

Such a depressing headline - I know. I'm feeling it. There are a few things on my mind which are eating away at me, just that somehow, letting it all out will hurt those around me. Funny especially coming from someone who normally speaks his mind with a callous disregard towards the feelings of others.

As some of you, my avid fans (just who am I kidding), can attest to, my dislike for some people (read: brother/sister-in-law) is almost legendary. Legendary enough to rival the fabled tales of Hercules, Achilles, Bonnie and Clyde, Billy the Kid and maybe, just maybe, Maradona. For those who happen to read this blog and are starting to feel queasy or starting to think, "Oh, here he goes again, blabbering about his family.", now's the perfect time to click the NEXT or CLOSE button before you read something that you didn't intend to or worse, badmouth me behind my back.. Yeap, I know it's going to ruffle feathers and hurt the feelings of a certain someone - my wife. This time, I felt I just have to let it loose. Been keeping it in for far too long.

Well, my princess celebrated her 1st birthday a month ago. As mentioned in one of my previous blogs, my wife and I meant for it to be a low-key affair. That meant no fancy parties or celebrations and definitely no cakes. She wouldn't have understood the significance of it anyway. In fact, minus the customary visit from our parents, some close friends and 2 of my wife's relatives, no one else came to our house during the whole of Aidilfitri, but that's a story for another day. What I found most disappointing was the lack of any gifts for her, with the exception of the gifts from my immediate family and both of us. Why does it bother me so much? Of course it does!!! Her uncles and aunts didn't even come to our house to see her on her birthday.

OK. Granted that it was in the first week of Aidilfitri plus the fact that it was exam period. Surely, a niece's birthday is worth remembering and worth taking the effort to see her. In the end, neither of her uncles (read: my brother-in-law) or aunties (read: sis-in-law) called to arrange to visit her, much less actually came over. Actually, her not receiving any gifts from my wife's side of the family wouldn't have been that noticeable if they had made an effort to celebrate it. Nothing. And to think that my wife had always made it a point to call her nieces and nephews on their birthdays and to buy presents for them.

I spoke to my wife about it and, truthfully, I know she was heartbroken by the acts, or lack thereof of her own brothers. Throwback 13 months and the same thing played out. Neither of her brothers called to ask how she was and to check up on her when she gave birth to our darling princess. They only came over to see her a few weeks later. You may ask, since I dislike them so much, why am I feeling disappointed?

The simple reason being, my disappointment is because I pity my wife for having such siblings and I pity my princess for having to call them uncles when she learns how to address them. Yes, I do ask myself why do I bother to seek for their forgiveness each and every Aidilfitri knowing full well that I may never give them the respect as elders. I can't say for sure if I have or can ever forgive them for making my wife feel the way she feels whenever we broach this subject.

Call me a hypocrite but that's never going to change how I interface with them. Outwardly, I may look like I'm showing them some level of respect. Deep down inside, there's nothing there but disdain. As much as I would love to give them a piece of my mind, I won't, even if it's only because I do not want my wife or my parents-in-law as the rope in a tug-of-war. My wife knows my stand on this. This exactly the reason why I refuse to go to their homes, unless there is a valid reason for me to do so.

Honestly, I'm not bothered by the lack of gifts. A simple visit to wish my princess happy birthday or even an attempt to make such an arrangement would have sufficed. I guess we, as a family, are not worth the effort to some.