Some things just don't change do they. It's tiring and trying.
For the longest time, I've had to deal with this. It's like trying to pull a strand of hair from a pile of flour without making a mess or breaking that hair. Difficult? I think it's much easier than having to go thru this.
Thing is, I still don't get any respect from my in-laws' family. They hardly ever talk to me. They hardly ever ask me for help even though it is my help that they need. They never say thanks to me. And if they need my help, they ask of it through my wife. So what does that make me? The President of Singapore? A rubber stamp?
The whole issue is my FIL has had a stomach operation about a month ago. The diagnosis, in the end was colorectal cancer, I think. I've never really gotten along with my BILs, 10 years after first meeting them. And that is not about to change anytime soon. Thing is, my dealings with them over these last few weeks only reinforces that.
How could a son actually suggested putting his father in a nursing home while he recovers from an operation?
How could a son pass the buck and ask his younger sister to take care of his father? Am I invisible here? There's no need to ask the head of your sister's family?
How could a son ask his sister to thank his wife for taking care of his father? Is not enough that you thank your wife?
It's bad, but I still can take it. My wife, being a dutiful daughter sought my permission to bring her father to a sinseh or Chinese Traditional Medicine Practitioner to get medicine for him when he already has the chemo medication which costs $800. I said no. Told her to wait till Saturday. Told her in no uncertain terms that her father and brother asked for her help, not mine.
What pissed me off was my wife asking me to take leave to bring her dad to the sinseh despite my having told her to wait till Saturday, I was being bugged to take time off when I simply can't.
It gets old. Here I am, 3 kids and 5 years on from when this problem first surfaced back in 2006, still facing the same problems. Still Captain Invisible with the weight of the world on my shoulders........
Friday, July 15, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
The need to spread my seeds..........
A friend confided in me about her marital problems. Seems like after all these years, the impression I've left on her is one of a trustworthy friend. I'm honored.
It all started cos a mutual friend is going through a stick patch, what with her husband publicly changing his status from being married to his wife to being in a relationship with his girlfriend. Guess still waters runs deep, I guess. All this while, they were a picture perfect family. Always doing things together. Or, so I thought. But I'm not gonna speculate.
The question my friend asked me is why betray her trust and has all her sacrifices for the family for naught?
It's kinda hard isn't it? To try and make sense of the nonsensical. When news break of such betrayals, it makes it even harder. It's hard to try rationalising why such things happen, but the fact of the matter is, it does. No matter how we gloss over the facts, it's there, like a bad zit that just wun go away.
I told her, quite simply, I can't judge her husband or her, simply because I do not know their relationship and the dynamics of it although I know both of them personally. The thing about guys is, we do not equate love with sex while women do. Using the analogy of cars, I told her that a guy will test drive a few cars before he settles for one. Even then, he will still test drive other cars just to get a feel of it. Women, on the other hand, buys the car and feels contented as long as the car does its job.
Man is weak. He needs no invitations to vice. In fact, he'll seek it out just to see how far he can go. And go he will. Plain and simple.
I'm not saying that cheating is tolerable and to be expected cos once you've signed that document, you are committing your life to that once person. But in reality, it's much more easier to say than to actually commit to it. The question that needs to be answered is whether one can forgive their spouse and whether or not they can live with past transgressions.
Assuming the answer is yes, the road ahead is rocky and full of potholes, but if one makes it through, the results might just be that much more gratifying.
If the answer is no, then there's not much else to say, is there?
It all started cos a mutual friend is going through a stick patch, what with her husband publicly changing his status from being married to his wife to being in a relationship with his girlfriend. Guess still waters runs deep, I guess. All this while, they were a picture perfect family. Always doing things together. Or, so I thought. But I'm not gonna speculate.
The question my friend asked me is why betray her trust and has all her sacrifices for the family for naught?
It's kinda hard isn't it? To try and make sense of the nonsensical. When news break of such betrayals, it makes it even harder. It's hard to try rationalising why such things happen, but the fact of the matter is, it does. No matter how we gloss over the facts, it's there, like a bad zit that just wun go away.
I told her, quite simply, I can't judge her husband or her, simply because I do not know their relationship and the dynamics of it although I know both of them personally. The thing about guys is, we do not equate love with sex while women do. Using the analogy of cars, I told her that a guy will test drive a few cars before he settles for one. Even then, he will still test drive other cars just to get a feel of it. Women, on the other hand, buys the car and feels contented as long as the car does its job.
Man is weak. He needs no invitations to vice. In fact, he'll seek it out just to see how far he can go. And go he will. Plain and simple.
I'm not saying that cheating is tolerable and to be expected cos once you've signed that document, you are committing your life to that once person. But in reality, it's much more easier to say than to actually commit to it. The question that needs to be answered is whether one can forgive their spouse and whether or not they can live with past transgressions.
Assuming the answer is yes, the road ahead is rocky and full of potholes, but if one makes it through, the results might just be that much more gratifying.
If the answer is no, then there's not much else to say, is there?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)