It's the kids!!!!!

In my last post, I did say something about this Raya being exceptionally dull. and I couldn't find a reason for it. I think, I found the answer over the weekend. I think the key to having a great Raya is kids! No, it's not another post about me and kids, or lack thereof - that bothers me not!

Here's the thing. My aunt came over, the very same one whose son I asked about his coming of age, with her family and my parents, siblings and sis-in-law were there too on Sunday. From my house, we split up as my mom and dad had their own agenda, my sister, brother and sis-in-law following them, my uncle and aunt had theirs while me and my wife had ours. While they were there, the festive mood within me kicked in. It's not just that the family was there, it was the kids who livened up the mood with their antics. Ask any newbie parents and they'd say the same thing. Hari Raya before having kids and after are a lot different.

After we went our separate ways from my home, I went to the homes of 2 of my paternal aunts whom I had made appointments with prior to that. Thereafter we met up with the whole family again at my younger brother's house in Punggol. At my 4th aunt's place in Tampines, it was just me, my wife and my aunt having a chat while her husband was in the bathtub having just came home from work. No kids around - her eldest daughter, now a beautiful woman of 23, is studying in the US, her second son was in camp - doing his duty, while her youngest son was out with friends. The mood? Sombre.

At my 5th aunt's place, it was much better. All 4 of her kids were in, though 1 was sleeping - conserving his energy for his trip back to Pulau Tekong. There were some other extended family members around as well as she was having an open house. It was so much livelier there than at my 4th aunt's place with kids making a din with their laughter and constant screaming. It has to be the kids making all the noise rite? Cos if it were the adults, something must have gone wrong!

From my brother's place in Punggol, my wife and I drove back to my in-laws to bring her mom to visit my wife's side of the family. My BIL, SIL and MIL with 3 kids crammed into my tiny car and off we went. This time the festive mood was there throughout the time, in stark contrast to the trips my wife and I took on our own. In all 3 houses we went, the baby of the bunch, my youngest nephew, 2 years old and growing, was the biggest noise maker with his antics. Though terrified of me, due in large part to my inculcation of a climate of fear surrounding me, he still was lively.

I have always believed that someone in the family must be the bad guy to keep the children in check - it just had to be me this time. My youngest paternal aunt was the same with me. That aside, growing up, I've heard some parents say that Hari Raya is all about the kids, it's not so much for the parents to celebrate as it is for the kids. I mean the parents don't get the green packets, the kids do. What joy would there be in this world without the kids? I couldn't agree more.

Just don't ask me where mine are!

A dull Raya and the passage of time

It's Hari Raya + 4.

It doesn't seem like Hari Raya anymore these days. Somehow I feel that the seri is no longer there. Why do I feel this way? Not too sure myself. Friends have been wishing me Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin left, right and center, but somehow, I feel that the spirit of Hari Raya is no longer there. Pardon my lack of enthusiasm but I am one of those pessismists who thinks that the spirit is fading away. Should I attribute it to my growing older, hence, the lack of enthusiasm, or issit the ever smaller number of houses to visit?

I do feel in some sort of limbo. Hari Raya used to be an excuse for the whole family to gather at my late grandma's house and seek forgiveness from one another, as is our tradition. However, since my grandma passed away, there is no longer a focal point for the family. My aunts and uncles, instead, congregate at their respective in-laws. Since both my maternal and paternal grandparents are no longer around, my family just stayed home for a while before visiting the granduncles and grandaunts. And that number is becoming smaller.

Where the first day of Aidilfitri used to be a hectic affair with frenetic scurrying all over the island to visit as many of the elders' houses as possible, it slowed down to a slow crawl nowadays. Where we used to visit more than 15 houses on the first day alone, it'd be an achievement if we could cover 6 now. It's not that there are no more relatives to visit, just that my father being the 2nd eldest amongst his siblings, the younger aunts and uncles would naturally seek him out on the first day, as such, he would be home more than be out and about.

How does that affect me?

Simple, since I have no longer have grandparents to visit, the logical place to go would be my parent's place followed by my immediate aunts and uncles. However, since they would be busy visiting my dad and other family members on their in-laws side, I have very little places to visit, since not many of them will be home. Before, I could just turn up at the doorstep of my late granduncles and grandaunts, I can't do the same now. It has become a yearly game of cat and mouse, catch-me-if-you-can style. Now, I even have to book their times and make appointments.

Now, I only have 2 grandaunts still around and they are the only ones I get to visit on the first day, apart from my parents and in-laws' places. To make matters worse, I have to worry about making appointments, especially since I am married and expected to know who my extended family members are and go to their houses on my own, with my wife, of course. No more following Mom and Dad now. Heck, I'm approaching 30, and if at that age I can't recognise my extended family and visit them on my own, something's wrong with me.

I was joking with a cousin of mine who is now 10 years old - big age gap, huh? I asked him when is he ever going to come of age and his voice will break into the baritone sound like his elder brother who is 13. His mom, my aunt, retorted with a smile on her face, "Eeeehhh, dun wan lah. He wun be as cute as he is now when that happens, I hope that day wun come for a long while!" I understand where she was coming from, with regards to her sone being the baby of the family.

Then it hit me! How I wished time had stopped or we could go back in time. I wouldn't have to worry about whose house to visit - that'd be my parents' job - and my aunt won't have to worry about her son coming of age and losing his adorableness and cuteness. Well, that's the passage of time for us all......

It's Hari Raya!!!!!!!!

It's more than 3 weeks now since we began fasting in Ramadan. For the uninitiated, Ramadan is not a place but a month in the Islamic Calendar. A few more days and it’s AidilFitri. It is a big day for us Muslims, celebrating the arrival of Syawal - again a month not a person - and of our successful completion of fasting in Ramadan, one of the pillars of Islam - for those who fast, of course. Though the ones who do not fast are known to be shamelessly partaking in the festivities - all set with their traditional garb, songkok, piercings and tattoos not withstanding.

In all honesty, fasting is not such a difficult task to do. I personally feel that fasting is easier as compared to the 5 times daily prayers we Muslims are required to perform. This is because, fasting lasts the whole day and you are only required to stop eating and drinking for roughly 14 hours, from 5.30am to 7 pm or thereabouts. It's darn easy once you get used to it. If you can't take it, due to illness or back-breaking work or serving your NS, you are permitted to quit. It's not something that you have to force yourself to the detriment of your health; of course you have to redo it at a later time. Of course, if a lady is having her period, she is exempt, but that is the only exception, other than being crazy or dead.

Prayers, on the other hand are a must and no one has an excuse to skip even one, even if you are sick. There are of course contingencies and ways to pray to adapt to the predicament one is faced with. The only times a Muslim is excused is when either he is mentally-disabled or he is dead. Add to that the requirement of praying at certain times, it makes it a bit more complicated to stick to schedule, knowing you have to work, still it is no excuse. It makes it more perplexing that people would willfully skip a day or even the whole month, since it's not that hard to fast.

Years ago, OK, decades ago, while still in my childhood, the sight or knowledge of anyone who'd knowingly ponteng or skip a day of fasting would be greeted with unabashed teasing and continuous ribbing at his/her failure to complete a day. As we grow older, the youths would tease their friends who'd complete the day by questioning the need to fast. They'd even question the need to pray and the need to believe in God. Strangely enough, most of those who do such questioning are born-Muslims, some has had some form of reigious instruction at an early age.

No doubt about it, where religion stands, there will be those who questions its veracity. I find it appalling that those Muslims who willfully neither fast nor pray actually have the cheek to celebrate a day for which they have no accomplishment of note to celebrate. While Islam maintains a policy of mutual inclusion with other religions, where we celebrate AidilFitri by inviting non-Muslims to join in the festivities, I personally think that it is a good idea to be forcibly exclusive towards those who declare themselves to be Muslims but neither practice nor learn the religion. At least, until such a time they realise their follies.

My religious teacher said once, there are those who declare themselves to be Muslims only on several occasions in their lives - namely, the 2 Hari Rayas, AidilFitri and AidilAdha, their wedding and their death. Honestly, I do not despise them, but feel sorry for them, for they'd only be Muslims in name not in spirit. Still, I honestly say to all Muslims around the world, Selamat Hari Raya, ku pohon maaf zahir & batin.

Now, where did I put my new clothes........

Knowledge fuels understanding.

I had a fun discussion with my colleagues the other day regarding this whole religious issue between Muslims, Christians and Jews and the history in the Middle East. With such a chequered past, it proved to be interesting to say the least.

It does surprise me that my colleagues are almost clueless as to what started the whole Arab-Israeli conflicts of yesteryears and the current furore over what has been termed as Islamophobia coming from western media and governments. Well, I explained to them what exactly happened in the inter-war years in Palestine and how Israel came to exist as neutral as I could be. In all honesty, they were quite surprised at the history of it all, and I found it funny that people can choose to be ignorant at what's happening around the world.

Who could blame them? We have to realise that we now live in a world where the sum of the collective may not be as important as the self. Many of us have been brought up looking to the west and adopting many of their way of lives, right down to the way we talk and dress. The amount of available information nowadays allows us to do so. Never has the world been so connected. Back in the 70's you'd have to wait a few days before anything was published about, say, the World Cup Finals or the FA Cup Finals. Now, we plonk ourselves in front of the telly or the PC and all we need to know is there.

Where we once used to have the wellbeing of others at the back of our mind, is now replaced with a sense of self serving of utmost importance. These days we don't care much about what others say but we worry about our own lives so much that we have little time to take in what's going on around us and the world. It's amazing to me that while we have wars, famine and brutality going on all around us, we can choose to live in relative oblivion, happy in the knowledge that we have money in the bank and food in our tummy.

In spite of my amzement, I took the time to educate my colleagues at what's going on, not out of my own self-serving feeling of importance or all-knowing, but out of concern that we, as humans, could turn a blind eye to the very happenings which will shape the future for us and our children. I do agree that the gloom taking place elsewhere does seem so far away and detached from us that we have nothing to worry, or do we?

Who's to say what's happening thousands of miles away will not escalate and affect us in future? Remember 1941? The British assured us that we have so much protection here the Japanese will not dare attack us, let alone attempt to conquer us. No prizes for guessing what happened. My point is if we allow ourselves to be wilfully ignorant of the things that are happening around us, there may be a time when such things may come back to hanut us.

In this age where religious fanaticism threatens our peaceful way of life, ignorance is not bliss, it's simply unforgivable, especially when racial harmony and religious tolerance are something we are working towards. Without knowledge, there can be no understanding.

The haze and good neighbourly relations

For the last few weeks, everyone has been talking about the haze. It all got to a head on Saturday with the PSI reaching 140 - unhealthy levels. That announcement by the weatherman got the asthmatics scrambling for their ventolin inhalers and the paranoid sprinting for the nearest pharmacist to get face masks.

Only this time it wasn't as bad as previous years. I remember back in school, circa 1996-1997, where the haze was kind of a welcome reprive for those who loathe PE lessons back then. For me though, the only thing I remember was the dread I felt whenever a PE lesson had to be cancelled as that would have meant that a football game would not be played. There went the kickabout.

The haze, did, however cause a lot of plans for outdoor activities to be cancelled, owing to the overly-cautious nature of Singaporeans, excarbated by the weak immune systems of some. As most putdoor activities were shunned, thousands flocked to the shopping malls to escape the haze. A sizeable portion made a trip to VivoCity, the latest kid on the block. It's quite often the case, we all flock to see the latest attractions, not wanting to miss out on the action. Oh, back to the haze, one thing I do not understand, this is not a recent problem, in fact, it has been around for the last decade.

However, despite several ministerial summits and meetings, the problem keeps coming back. the reasons the Indonesians are giving is that the area affected is so big that they do not have enough resources to cope. I say it's all about good neighbourly practice. Keeping your house in order is basically a prerequisite of being a good neighbour, so is maintaining respect, which is what Singapore and Malaysia are doing by not interfering and extending a helping hand when needed.

That brings me to another thing on my mind. My MIL had a new neighbor move in fairly recently, less than 5 months back. As it so happens, the neighbor is quite a prominent arts and musical performer in the local Malay scene. My MIL had been living in the same flat for the last 20 odd years, and had always had excellent relationships with her immediate neighbours. I mean living on the ground floor and sharing the same walkway and "lawn" in front of their flats, they had to. For the longest time, my MIL being an kampung lady through and through had been cultivating a small garden on that "lawn".

Everyone else along that stretch has been doing likewise and without issue too. In fact, being law-abiding citizens, they had asked the town council if it was OK to do so, and the answer was OK as long as other residents did not complain. For 20 years, it was peaceful as fruits such as papaya trees were planted and cultivated, so to were the chilli plants, pandan plants and lime plants. Then it had to happen. A complaint came and the plants were all brutally chopped down without warning to the residents. Normally, the residents would be informed to chop down the plants themselves, there was no such leeway this time, indicating the severity and ferocity of the complaint.

My MIL and the other neighbours knew who lodged the complaint but chose to keep quiet and not have any repercussions dished out. Even my wife knew, that it was the wife of the new neighbour as having shared a train ride to work with her, it was fairly established that she was the ever-complaining type of person. What I will say is that having moved in only recently, the new neighbour should have excercised a bit more restraint and shown respect to her elderly neighbours. Being a good neighbour is not just about saying the occasional hello. It goes beyond that. Showing respect is a basic human tenet that we all should have. Sadly not all of us excercise it.

One thing's for sure, had it been my neighbour who did that, they's have gotten an earful from me and a shunned existence in my eyes.

Regrettable

It's been a while since I said something about current affairs. The last time I said something, was about Israel's attack on Lebanon. Damn, that made my blood boil.

Last month, the Pope said something most Muslims thought would never come out from a man of his stature. He had quoted the Byzantine Emperor, Manuel II, who was known for his hatred of Muslims. Being a former professor of theology, he should have known better than to tread on religious sensitivities by quoting, "Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached".

Personally, I feel this is worse than the cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) printed in the European press. Unsurprisingly, the backlash was even worse this time round. Not only effigies of the pope was razed, there were even calls for his head coming from Somalia. Now that's a little absurd isn't it? After all, the Pope was only delivering a lecture. Having done so in his native German, it is highly plausible that such a quote was taken out of context as has been done and witnessed countless times before. Prior to his quoting that line, he was talking about the unacceptable practice of forced conversions and that conversions should only be done through reason and reason alone. He goes on after that quote by saying further that the Emperor Manuel II describes in detail why the spreading of religion through violence is unacceptable and goes against the nature of God.

No, I'm not defending the Pope for his actions or intended meaning. I condemn what he said as for thousands of years, there are deinitely better alternatives to quote examples from. I have read through many commentaries on this subject and the acid-laced words that has been used to describe this unfortunate event, yet I can see the polarity of it all. On one hand you have the western government and religious organizations defending the lecture while on the other hand, you have the Muslims defending their religion's honor and condemning the Pope. I too felt the same way, angered by the quote. However, upon reading the transcript, I felt that it was taken out of the context of the lecture. I still feel that he shouldn't have used that as an example, but he did have a point, even if he failed to understand the reasons behind the so-called "forced conversions".

Funny isn't it that the Pope had to use that example in his lecture when his lecture could be better served by recounting how the Crusaders massacred the inhabitants of Jerusalem when they conquered the city in 1088, or the genocides in the Balkan Peninsula, ethnic cleansing anyone? It's a bit shortsighted on the part of the Pope for him to quote something sensitive such as that. Having called for religious dialogue and tolerance, it would have been better served had he taken the time to understand Islam himself before launching himself into muddied waters with such a diatribe again.

Another thing that strikes me is how jumpy the world had become. This is not the only case of something ascribed to someone being taken out of context. Tun Mahathir had that when he claimed Jews ruled the world by proxy and the whole western world felt violated and demanded an apology. Well, the roles are reversed now and here we are, Muslims, described as a religion of peace and tolerance, calling for the head of the Pope.

We all need to take a step back and contemplate before acting. Sadly, that is the one thing we find hardest to do.