Marriage changes us

A friend asked me the other day if I would be willing to change a bad habit which my wife loathes. That took some thinking.

One bad habit I have of wiping my hands dry on my clothes after washing them instead of using a hand towel or a paper towel. My wife hates it and goes to great lengths to remind or chide me whenever I do it in front of her. Still, I do it occasionally.

It's not so much of a intentional thing to irritate her but it's a habit which I have been so used to since young, even my mom nagged me about it all the time. It's kinda automated - I look around for a towel or something and if I see nothing, the t-shirt or shorts seems OK. I believe that we all conciously try to improve ourselves but at times, we fall into that lulling sense of comfort that we revert back to the bad habits that has been ingrained.

When I was single, I didn't really care much about what people used to say about my bad habits. I thought, why should you care, you are not my mother. Funny thing is, I didn't really register much of what my mom used to nag at me either. There's this degree of indignance with which we regarded all manner of advice coming from those whom we think aren't qualified to judge us. I used to listen and cringe when girls tell me, I am who I am, and if a guy can't accept my flaws, then he doesn't deserve me. Or something along those lines.

Looking back, the need to be loved as we were was so paramount that it overshadowed everything else, including the wisdom of said advice. That idealistic thought of being loved for who we are often clouds our judgement. Most of the time, the very people uttering those indignant words can be found contradicting themselves later, attempting to change themselves when "the one" comes along.

Honestly, I was guilty of pretty much the same thing. I thought a girl should love me for who I am and accept all my flaws. Then, I got married and I realised that as much as she should love me for all that I am, I have to make sure she continues to love me by eradicating the bad habits and others that she doesn't like. I wish she thinks the same way too. At the end of the day, it's those little things in life that makes or breaks your life.

Marriage changes us in more ways than we realise. Some of us eradicate our bad habits, some cut ties with old friends the spouse is uncomfortable with, some would swallow their pride and take all the crap that comes while those who don't adapt, more often than not, don't last. As resistant we are to change, it is necessary.