I guess everyone has read or heard about the guy who went toe to toe with the white tiger and never came back. Why he went into the tiger enclosure in full view of all those visitors and tourists no one may ever know. Speculation abounds on his mental well-being and his motivations. A million question can be raised on what happened that fateful day, none of which could be conclusively answered.
At the very least, to the people who really mattered, his family, there was closure in the video which the deceased's sisters saw. They now know that it was no accident and there was no foul play involved. They also know now how much his family meant to him. What was clear from the video was this - he took a walk on the wild side, went for a dip and got scared and panicked when the tiger came up to him to say hello and invite him to play.
I recall a scene from an old black and white movie from the P. Ramlee era with the immortal line - kalau harimau tu ngap, saya tinggal ngep.
Like what Mr T always say - Pity the fool.
The one thing that struck a chord in me is the deceased's love for his family and his family's realisation that they meant the world to him. While he has gone, the ones left behind are left with a million what ifs. It's something that happens everywhere. We all take the people who matters most for granted sometimes and by the time we realise how much they meant to us, they're no longer there.
Sometimes, we talk to our family members with utmost disdain - that's me with my BILs - even if we don't mean it when they annoy us. We use their possessions without asking first and when we do ask for permission, it's sounds more like an expectation rather than a request. We use their stuff without any hint of responsibility and deny culpability when the things we used are damaged or in need of repairs. We talk down to our other half and to our young siblings. And we make no apologies for it.
Blame it on familiarity. Blame it on the safety net. Blame it familial ties. Blame it on the comfort zone. Blame it on everything but ourselves. We take things for granted. We demand that the car keys be handed over rather than asking for it with the slightest hint of politeness. When we do get the keys, there's no gratitude. We use our sibling's bike or MP3 player and we make no apologies if we happen to puncture a tyre or skidded and damaged the bike or damaged the MP3 player by dropping it in water.
As family, we expect to be forgiven and the misdeed brushed over. We expect our brother to give us the car key on demand, our sister to forget the big scratch on her MP3 player we borrowed, our father to pay for the damage we caused to the bike/car when we used it and we expect them not to bear grudges against us. But at the same time we cry foul if they damaged one of our possessions or demand that we hand over our possessions for them to borrow. We cry foul when our younger siblings disrespect us but we forget that we disrespected them too.
Honestly, I'm guilty of some of the above at some point or another. I'm not proud of it but I'll admit it. I'm no angel, I have disrespected my wife online (on these blogs no less), I have talked down my sister before and I have borrowed (more like demand) my family members' belongings for my own personal use.
Still, at the end of the day, our family would still forgive and accept us. But if we still find ourselves at the end of snide remarks such as Go get yourself a car or Are you really that poor to own an MP3 player, then we probably are still stepping on their toes.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Of hope and fear
Yeay!!!! Obama Won!!!
Wait a minute, I have no idea why I am rejoicing. The word on the street was one of optimism with stock markets the world over rallying at the news. Personally, as with many Singaporeans, I have no idea? what they were politicking about. Though many rooted for Obama, I doubt they knew what Obama's political allegiance was, much less his ideals. Was he a Democrat or Republican? Heck I don't even know one from the other.
Still, any idiot could have done better than the prick they now call Mr President. 8 years in charge with practically nothing to show for. The initial support GWB received in the wake of Sept 11 precipitated quickly and any sympathy garnered then quickly turned into disdain at the unilateralism and heavy handed approach. One suspects that in spite of his failings, he could have well worn that smug look at the dinner table, winking at his dad, probably saying, "Dad, I may not have achieved much but I got Saddam for you!".
Yeah, he got Saddam but look at the devastation he left behind. Iraq, in spite of Saddam's dictatorship and iron fist, was rather peaceful; just look at it now. GWB, to me, is like the Sheriff of the cowboy towns of the Wild West. He wades into a standoff with guns blazing and leaves behind a trail of destruction. When the smoke clears, you can see him sitting in a corner with that smug look on his face, thinking - "Hey, I got him didn't I?"
At least we all know Obama's not that much of a cowboy.
A little close to home, I read in the papers the other day about the stepfather who was jailed for child abuse all because he caned his stepson 100 times for incessant lying. In all honesty, I was shocked. Not at the number of times the boy was caned but the fact that he got jailed for it. My initial reaction was one of disbelief. Caned a 100 times? C'mon, many of us have gone through worse punishment than that; some of us had to endure inch thick leather belts complete with buckles. I had fresh red chilli smeared on my mouth for lying to my mom - and let me tell you the lingering aftertaste was enough to remind me from lying again.
I mean news such as this would play on the back of every parent who has to instill some form of discipline in their children. The parent would always be thinking if corporal punishment would lead to allegations of child abuse. We have to look at the physique of the child, the circumstances that led to corporal punishment and the gravity of the offence. It seems that corporal punishment is frowned upon more than ever. Gone were the days when the school rascals would get public caning - many parents won't allow their children to go through such punishment in school. Now, it seems that even the parents are not allowed to cane their children. Teachers are taught to look out for signs of child abuse such as cane marks on the children. However, upon reflection, I do agree that caning 100 times may be a bit excessive.
Personally, I believe that corporal punishment is a punishment that has to remain, even if it exists only as a threat. While children cannot be allowed to live in a climate of fear, there has to be an element of fear which will stop them from doing an act. Where discipline was once based on fear, parents have had to deal wiith ever more inquisitive children who not only defy them but question them. Where the standard answer of children in the face of an instruction use to be OK or Yes Mom/Dad/Sir, that has given way to but why.
Given the choice I couldn't resort to caning or belting by child. However, if she did step out of line I would. It all boils down to control. In order to have control over your children, you have to have control over yourself first. My guess is that was where the parent who was jailed failed. The lines that separate disciplinary measures and child abuse gets blurrier every minute we lose control of ourselves
Wait a minute, I have no idea why I am rejoicing. The word on the street was one of optimism with stock markets the world over rallying at the news. Personally, as with many Singaporeans, I have no idea? what they were politicking about. Though many rooted for Obama, I doubt they knew what Obama's political allegiance was, much less his ideals. Was he a Democrat or Republican? Heck I don't even know one from the other.
Still, any idiot could have done better than the prick they now call Mr President. 8 years in charge with practically nothing to show for. The initial support GWB received in the wake of Sept 11 precipitated quickly and any sympathy garnered then quickly turned into disdain at the unilateralism and heavy handed approach. One suspects that in spite of his failings, he could have well worn that smug look at the dinner table, winking at his dad, probably saying, "Dad, I may not have achieved much but I got Saddam for you!".
Yeah, he got Saddam but look at the devastation he left behind. Iraq, in spite of Saddam's dictatorship and iron fist, was rather peaceful; just look at it now. GWB, to me, is like the Sheriff of the cowboy towns of the Wild West. He wades into a standoff with guns blazing and leaves behind a trail of destruction. When the smoke clears, you can see him sitting in a corner with that smug look on his face, thinking - "Hey, I got him didn't I?"
At least we all know Obama's not that much of a cowboy.
A little close to home, I read in the papers the other day about the stepfather who was jailed for child abuse all because he caned his stepson 100 times for incessant lying. In all honesty, I was shocked. Not at the number of times the boy was caned but the fact that he got jailed for it. My initial reaction was one of disbelief. Caned a 100 times? C'mon, many of us have gone through worse punishment than that; some of us had to endure inch thick leather belts complete with buckles. I had fresh red chilli smeared on my mouth for lying to my mom - and let me tell you the lingering aftertaste was enough to remind me from lying again.
I mean news such as this would play on the back of every parent who has to instill some form of discipline in their children. The parent would always be thinking if corporal punishment would lead to allegations of child abuse. We have to look at the physique of the child, the circumstances that led to corporal punishment and the gravity of the offence. It seems that corporal punishment is frowned upon more than ever. Gone were the days when the school rascals would get public caning - many parents won't allow their children to go through such punishment in school. Now, it seems that even the parents are not allowed to cane their children. Teachers are taught to look out for signs of child abuse such as cane marks on the children. However, upon reflection, I do agree that caning 100 times may be a bit excessive.
Personally, I believe that corporal punishment is a punishment that has to remain, even if it exists only as a threat. While children cannot be allowed to live in a climate of fear, there has to be an element of fear which will stop them from doing an act. Where discipline was once based on fear, parents have had to deal wiith ever more inquisitive children who not only defy them but question them. Where the standard answer of children in the face of an instruction use to be OK or Yes Mom/Dad/Sir, that has given way to but why.
Given the choice I couldn't resort to caning or belting by child. However, if she did step out of line I would. It all boils down to control. In order to have control over your children, you have to have control over yourself first. My guess is that was where the parent who was jailed failed. The lines that separate disciplinary measures and child abuse gets blurrier every minute we lose control of ourselves
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
My disappointment
Such a depressing headline - I know. I'm feeling it. There are a few things on my mind which are eating away at me, just that somehow, letting it all out will hurt those around me. Funny especially coming from someone who normally speaks his mind with a callous disregard towards the feelings of others.
As some of you, my avid fans (just who am I kidding), can attest to, my dislike for some people (read: brother/sister-in-law) is almost legendary. Legendary enough to rival the fabled tales of Hercules, Achilles, Bonnie and Clyde, Billy the Kid and maybe, just maybe, Maradona. For those who happen to read this blog and are starting to feel queasy or starting to think, "Oh, here he goes again, blabbering about his family.", now's the perfect time to click the NEXT or CLOSE button before you read something that you didn't intend to or worse, badmouth me behind my back.. Yeap, I know it's going to ruffle feathers and hurt the feelings of a certain someone - my wife. This time, I felt I just have to let it loose. Been keeping it in for far too long.
Well, my princess celebrated her 1st birthday a month ago. As mentioned in one of my previous blogs, my wife and I meant for it to be a low-key affair. That meant no fancy parties or celebrations and definitely no cakes. She wouldn't have understood the significance of it anyway. In fact, minus the customary visit from our parents, some close friends and 2 of my wife's relatives, no one else came to our house during the whole of Aidilfitri, but that's a story for another day. What I found most disappointing was the lack of any gifts for her, with the exception of the gifts from my immediate family and both of us. Why does it bother me so much? Of course it does!!! Her uncles and aunts didn't even come to our house to see her on her birthday.
OK. Granted that it was in the first week of Aidilfitri plus the fact that it was exam period. Surely, a niece's birthday is worth remembering and worth taking the effort to see her. In the end, neither of her uncles (read: my brother-in-law) or aunties (read: sis-in-law) called to arrange to visit her, much less actually came over. Actually, her not receiving any gifts from my wife's side of the family wouldn't have been that noticeable if they had made an effort to celebrate it. Nothing. And to think that my wife had always made it a point to call her nieces and nephews on their birthdays and to buy presents for them.
I spoke to my wife about it and, truthfully, I know she was heartbroken by the acts, or lack thereof of her own brothers. Throwback 13 months and the same thing played out. Neither of her brothers called to ask how she was and to check up on her when she gave birth to our darling princess. They only came over to see her a few weeks later. You may ask, since I dislike them so much, why am I feeling disappointed?
The simple reason being, my disappointment is because I pity my wife for having such siblings and I pity my princess for having to call them uncles when she learns how to address them. Yes, I do ask myself why do I bother to seek for their forgiveness each and every Aidilfitri knowing full well that I may never give them the respect as elders. I can't say for sure if I have or can ever forgive them for making my wife feel the way she feels whenever we broach this subject.
Call me a hypocrite but that's never going to change how I interface with them. Outwardly, I may look like I'm showing them some level of respect. Deep down inside, there's nothing there but disdain. As much as I would love to give them a piece of my mind, I won't, even if it's only because I do not want my wife or my parents-in-law as the rope in a tug-of-war. My wife knows my stand on this. This exactly the reason why I refuse to go to their homes, unless there is a valid reason for me to do so.
Honestly, I'm not bothered by the lack of gifts. A simple visit to wish my princess happy birthday or even an attempt to make such an arrangement would have sufficed. I guess we, as a family, are not worth the effort to some.
As some of you, my avid fans (just who am I kidding), can attest to, my dislike for some people (read: brother/sister-in-law) is almost legendary. Legendary enough to rival the fabled tales of Hercules, Achilles, Bonnie and Clyde, Billy the Kid and maybe, just maybe, Maradona. For those who happen to read this blog and are starting to feel queasy or starting to think, "Oh, here he goes again, blabbering about his family.", now's the perfect time to click the NEXT or CLOSE button before you read something that you didn't intend to or worse, badmouth me behind my back.. Yeap, I know it's going to ruffle feathers and hurt the feelings of a certain someone - my wife. This time, I felt I just have to let it loose. Been keeping it in for far too long.
Well, my princess celebrated her 1st birthday a month ago. As mentioned in one of my previous blogs, my wife and I meant for it to be a low-key affair. That meant no fancy parties or celebrations and definitely no cakes. She wouldn't have understood the significance of it anyway. In fact, minus the customary visit from our parents, some close friends and 2 of my wife's relatives, no one else came to our house during the whole of Aidilfitri, but that's a story for another day. What I found most disappointing was the lack of any gifts for her, with the exception of the gifts from my immediate family and both of us. Why does it bother me so much? Of course it does!!! Her uncles and aunts didn't even come to our house to see her on her birthday.
OK. Granted that it was in the first week of Aidilfitri plus the fact that it was exam period. Surely, a niece's birthday is worth remembering and worth taking the effort to see her. In the end, neither of her uncles (read: my brother-in-law) or aunties (read: sis-in-law) called to arrange to visit her, much less actually came over. Actually, her not receiving any gifts from my wife's side of the family wouldn't have been that noticeable if they had made an effort to celebrate it. Nothing. And to think that my wife had always made it a point to call her nieces and nephews on their birthdays and to buy presents for them.
I spoke to my wife about it and, truthfully, I know she was heartbroken by the acts, or lack thereof of her own brothers. Throwback 13 months and the same thing played out. Neither of her brothers called to ask how she was and to check up on her when she gave birth to our darling princess. They only came over to see her a few weeks later. You may ask, since I dislike them so much, why am I feeling disappointed?
The simple reason being, my disappointment is because I pity my wife for having such siblings and I pity my princess for having to call them uncles when she learns how to address them. Yes, I do ask myself why do I bother to seek for their forgiveness each and every Aidilfitri knowing full well that I may never give them the respect as elders. I can't say for sure if I have or can ever forgive them for making my wife feel the way she feels whenever we broach this subject.
Call me a hypocrite but that's never going to change how I interface with them. Outwardly, I may look like I'm showing them some level of respect. Deep down inside, there's nothing there but disdain. As much as I would love to give them a piece of my mind, I won't, even if it's only because I do not want my wife or my parents-in-law as the rope in a tug-of-war. My wife knows my stand on this. This exactly the reason why I refuse to go to their homes, unless there is a valid reason for me to do so.
Honestly, I'm not bothered by the lack of gifts. A simple visit to wish my princess happy birthday or even an attempt to make such an arrangement would have sufficed. I guess we, as a family, are not worth the effort to some.
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