I read a post one of my friends posted in his blog sometime back and it has stayed etched in my mind eversince. It was an honest man's thoughts on his family and his love for them. The one thing that kept replaying back in my mind ever since reading that post was the unconditionality of love.
That set me thinking. Is anything in life unconditional?
Very often, we see an agreement between 2 parties with certain conditions appended. When Japan accepted unconditional surrender in September 1945, it was with the proviso that the Emperor remains in his status quo. When Malaysia Accepted Singapore into its federation, it was with the proviso that neither involves themselves in the other's internal politics. However, love is not an agreement. It is a feeling. Therefore, it is not subjected to the same logic that defines everything else, which is why love is illogical. It makes us say and do things we would normally and rationally avoid.
A lot of times I have been asked, "How do you know she's the one?" The beauty of it is you don't. You just make a decision based on your gut feeling and a little common sense too. The rest you leave to God. The feeling of being in love is something you can't miss and something we all can't runaway from. It's there for all to see. I see it in my wife's eyes all the time. It's a feeling that is evoked when you are with that someone. You don't know if he or she is the one but you don't really care as it seems time has slowed to a crawl whenever you are with the person. We all want love. Yet at the same time, we fear love, with all the trepidation that comes with that fear.
It's not so much a phobia as it is a lack of understanding. As much as we want love, we fear all the emotions that accompany it and the knowledge that, at some point, we are bound to get hurt by that love. We want that loving feeling to be unconditional, ie, not expecting anything in return for what we have sacrificed for that person. Is that entirely possible? The notion of unconditionality is something we all want but not many are willing to give, unless the conditions are right. How's that work?
While looking for love, we want the other party to be able to accept us as we are, to be able to accept all our character flaws, yet, are we able to do the same and put our loved ones as a priority in our lives, ahead of evrything else life has to offer? From time to time, we read of heart warming stories of true love happening around us such as the email I received the other day regarding the Hoyts. Then again, that is the love of a father to his physically-disabled child. How about love between a guy and a girl, that's different, right? Not entirely, who could forget the close-to-home story of Pierre Png giving up one of his kidneys to his then-fiancee, Andrea D'Cruz?
True love? Perhaps.
Unconditional love? Definitely.
There are some couples who bicker at every little thing they perceive to be wrong. You are not doing enough for this relationship to work! What have you done for me lately? I'm doing all the work in making this relationship work! These are just some of the phrases that can be heard in the arguments of some couples. Each wanting to stamp his/her own authority and to make sure that they get as much as they give. Quite honestly, being in love is always about giving, there's no give-and-take here. Whatever you receive in return should be viewed as a bonus, a token of the other's appreciation for your love.
What, then, if you receive nothing in return? My answer would be to ask yourself if that is enough for you and if you love the other person enough not to ask for anything in return. If you really are in love, chances are it wouldn't matter! I'd like to think I've reached that pinnacle of my love story with my wife, though I know in love, you should always be looking to reach the peak without actually reaching it.
Make any sense? Like I said, it's my feeble attempt.
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