A girlfriend of my wife asked me for some advice regarding her relationship woes. Seems like she's been seeing this guy for 9 months and he still could not commit himself or tie himself down. And she gave him a dateline to decide if he wants to be with her.
What intrigues me is that as a 29-year-old lady, I thought one would have been more mature than snooping around, seeking advice on deciphering the body language or actions of the person they are going out with. Apparently, she wasn't. I have no qualms about giving advice when asked. However, it does bring up a good question, how do you know?
The simple answer is, you don't. You just don't. that's the beauty of it. Falling in love and managing the gamut of emotions that comes with being in love is not a science, there are no formulas or laws to define how it works. Though that would make it easier. There are hundreds of books dealing with this issue but what works for someone may be a poisoned chalice for another. It's the journey through it that makes it so interesting, that colours our lives. The beauty of love and life is in not knowing and the discovery of the unknown.
Why worry yourself thinking did he mean what he said, or what does she mean by that flick of her fair? Why ask the opinions of others who have no idea what the person you are going out with is like? I mean, if you have been seeing that person for the better part of the year and you have no idea what that person likes or dislikes, what that person's hopes and dreams are and what they see coming outo f the relationships, chances are you yourself have no idea of what you want out of you life. Why think about the other person when you should be thinking about yourself?
That being said, to be able to understand someone and make that person part of your life, one must first understand oneself and decide what one wants to do with his/her life. If love is a science or an art, we'd all have to be geniuses to be able to find the right one. It's ok to hope to find the right one, but not to expect for the right one as once you start to have expectations, disappointments are bound to follow.
So, why worry about the road ahead when no one can tell you what is paving your way?? Enjoy the ride!!
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Friday, February 24, 2006
It's time to move on
I have never been a real success at what I have done. Most times, I lack the zeal and motivation to do anything and see it through to fruition. A lot of times, I lose focus at critical points and veer away from my initial goals. My former teacher in primary school, whom, I still keep in touch with thought so too. In fact, she'd still say the same if she had known my progress since.
A lot of times, we are often left to think about the what-could-have-beens and what-was-not-meant-to-be. I'm not going to lie about it, there were times where while reminiscing, I began to think of that few months between Dec 96 to Mar 97. Some of my closer friends knew about it. I cannot understand why I keep referencing to that moment in time. I guess it's because, subconciously, I would have loved a second shot at that. I admit, the sense of attraction I felt to her then is stronger than anything I have ever experienced.
I confided to some of my closest friends about this, mostly the girls. Somehow, talking to a girl gave me a different perspective as to what I already have. I know and very much aware that what I am feeling is all wrong. I had to do something to let go of that past. Else, my life would be a living hell. Sure, this whole thing rekindled partly because of the tiff I had with the missus earlier in the year. However, to put the blame squarely on that tiff was irresponsible as much as it is a denial. Yes, I was still stuck on the past.
The way it ended was as subtle as it could have been, however, I know now, I've never really been able to get over that. I mean , I've had longer and more serious relationships than this but somehow this one stuck. I've always remembered fondly, how she made me stop my wilder ways, and the impact and focus she gave my life, albeit for that few short months.
After that chat therapy, it occured to me, I'm so good at giving advice to those who ask for it, but I'm damn lousy at practising those advise myself. Talk about moving on with life, let bygones be bygones, an ex is called an ex because you crossed him/her out of your life, but here I am, still thinking about the past. Sounds dumb?? I think some people would term it as pathetic. I think so too. Behind the confidence and eloquence, is a mess refusing to get sorted out. Then it hit me, if things didn't work out, why would it work now?
One friend had this to say to me, "It's in the past. You have to let it go. You haven't let it go. Think about your wife, you are just being selfish"
Another said, "You need professional help"
To those friends, and yes, they read this blog, thanks for knocking some sense to this mindless fool who seems to have lost touch reality. The reality of it all is that I have a great wife and apart from the occasional squabbles triggered by issues stemming from her family, my life is great. I guess I just lost track of that as well as my focus, the story of my life. Well, I had better recover quick or that reality will be history.
A lot of times, we are often left to think about the what-could-have-beens and what-was-not-meant-to-be. I'm not going to lie about it, there were times where while reminiscing, I began to think of that few months between Dec 96 to Mar 97. Some of my closer friends knew about it. I cannot understand why I keep referencing to that moment in time. I guess it's because, subconciously, I would have loved a second shot at that. I admit, the sense of attraction I felt to her then is stronger than anything I have ever experienced.
I confided to some of my closest friends about this, mostly the girls. Somehow, talking to a girl gave me a different perspective as to what I already have. I know and very much aware that what I am feeling is all wrong. I had to do something to let go of that past. Else, my life would be a living hell. Sure, this whole thing rekindled partly because of the tiff I had with the missus earlier in the year. However, to put the blame squarely on that tiff was irresponsible as much as it is a denial. Yes, I was still stuck on the past.
The way it ended was as subtle as it could have been, however, I know now, I've never really been able to get over that. I mean , I've had longer and more serious relationships than this but somehow this one stuck. I've always remembered fondly, how she made me stop my wilder ways, and the impact and focus she gave my life, albeit for that few short months.
After that chat therapy, it occured to me, I'm so good at giving advice to those who ask for it, but I'm damn lousy at practising those advise myself. Talk about moving on with life, let bygones be bygones, an ex is called an ex because you crossed him/her out of your life, but here I am, still thinking about the past. Sounds dumb?? I think some people would term it as pathetic. I think so too. Behind the confidence and eloquence, is a mess refusing to get sorted out. Then it hit me, if things didn't work out, why would it work now?
One friend had this to say to me, "It's in the past. You have to let it go. You haven't let it go. Think about your wife, you are just being selfish"
Another said, "You need professional help"
To those friends, and yes, they read this blog, thanks for knocking some sense to this mindless fool who seems to have lost touch reality. The reality of it all is that I have a great wife and apart from the occasional squabbles triggered by issues stemming from her family, my life is great. I guess I just lost track of that as well as my focus, the story of my life. Well, I had better recover quick or that reality will be history.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
The measure of a man
Yesterday saw the passing of another great man, Mr S Rajaratnam, our first Foreign Minister. The papers today are plastered with reports of him and his achievements. I mean, putting Singapore, a tiny, little red dot, on the face of the world and giving us more clout that our geopolitcal stature entitles us to is no small feat.
I am surprised to hear that some of the younger generation have little or no idea at all as to whom this great man was and what he has done for our country. It is only when told that the Singapore Pledge was penned by him that some had any idea as to what he has done. But to link him to just the Pledge does the man great injustice. He did much more than that. For a long time he was the face of Singapore in the eyes of the world.
Tributes and accolades came quick and fast, as the malay saying goes, "Harimau mati tinggalkan belang, manusia mati tinggalkan nama". Loosely translated, dead tigers leave their stripes, dead men leave their names. Not so much in a literal sense. Simply, it means that with the passing of a person, his or her achievements and contributions to the society he lived in is the one that will be remembered - his legacy. It is exactly that that will ensure Mr S Rajaratnam's name live forever in the annals of our nation's short history.
On a happier note, our national football team, beat Iraq 2-0 in yesterday's Asian Cup Qualifiers. Not a small feat too for our tiny nation considering Iraq is the West Asian football champions. Job well done!
I am surprised to hear that some of the younger generation have little or no idea at all as to whom this great man was and what he has done for our country. It is only when told that the Singapore Pledge was penned by him that some had any idea as to what he has done. But to link him to just the Pledge does the man great injustice. He did much more than that. For a long time he was the face of Singapore in the eyes of the world.
Tributes and accolades came quick and fast, as the malay saying goes, "Harimau mati tinggalkan belang, manusia mati tinggalkan nama". Loosely translated, dead tigers leave their stripes, dead men leave their names. Not so much in a literal sense. Simply, it means that with the passing of a person, his or her achievements and contributions to the society he lived in is the one that will be remembered - his legacy. It is exactly that that will ensure Mr S Rajaratnam's name live forever in the annals of our nation's short history.
On a happier note, our national football team, beat Iraq 2-0 in yesterday's Asian Cup Qualifiers. Not a small feat too for our tiny nation considering Iraq is the West Asian football champions. Job well done!
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Show me the money!
The recent government budget announcements was one in which almost the whole population waited for with bated breath. And it didn't disappoint. A comprehensive helping hand to ensure that all Singaporeans progress together while redistributing the wealth and positive growth Singapore has managed over the last year. Total worth $3.6 billion. Now that's a lot of money.
Yeah, I know, it's election time and this is just another ploy by the ruling PAP to garner more votes and to consolidate it's position. But think about it. It is because of the current government that we have that much money to disburse in the first place. It's policies, while not popular, have been the cornerstone of Singapore's success since independence. Plus, the stability of continous governing by the PAP has afforded Singapore it's stable atmosphere all these years. Not many countries can boast of such a stable environment. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a PAP person, far from it.
In fact, I am one of the discerning citizens who think that despite the high approval ratings the government currently enjoys, it is downright underhanded to sue the opposition when they make a remark slightly off the mark. For the most part the government has been above board with it's business dealings via Temasek Holdings and also through the many charitable acts it has done for the countries of the region and beyond. However, I find it disconcerting to see that many of the opposition are either bankrupt or behind bars.
About the package the government is disbursing, I am surprised that despite the average household getting help amount to thousands, probably close to $2-3k each, there are still some voicing out that that is still not enough. This is on top of the NSS in 2001 and ERS in 2003. I mean, the people who are grumbling for more are not exactly destitute. They are not poor. They just want more hand outs. Singapore has never been a welfare state and probably never will be. I do shudder at the thought that if we were, there would be snaking queues, ala Hello Kitty, waiting for handouts every week.
Put it this way, many of those so-called foreign talents would give a limb to be a citizen, and to be a part of such a vibrant and progressive society like ours. They could only throw envious glances our way when it comes to handouts such as this Progress Package, wondering if they would ever be part of it. As a society based on meritocracy, you get what you work for. The harder you work, the better the payout and the higher you climb that ladder.
Just don't grumble that the handout is not enough when you have a roof with air-conditioning over your head and a car for your daily travels.
Yeah, I know, it's election time and this is just another ploy by the ruling PAP to garner more votes and to consolidate it's position. But think about it. It is because of the current government that we have that much money to disburse in the first place. It's policies, while not popular, have been the cornerstone of Singapore's success since independence. Plus, the stability of continous governing by the PAP has afforded Singapore it's stable atmosphere all these years. Not many countries can boast of such a stable environment. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a PAP person, far from it.
In fact, I am one of the discerning citizens who think that despite the high approval ratings the government currently enjoys, it is downright underhanded to sue the opposition when they make a remark slightly off the mark. For the most part the government has been above board with it's business dealings via Temasek Holdings and also through the many charitable acts it has done for the countries of the region and beyond. However, I find it disconcerting to see that many of the opposition are either bankrupt or behind bars.
About the package the government is disbursing, I am surprised that despite the average household getting help amount to thousands, probably close to $2-3k each, there are still some voicing out that that is still not enough. This is on top of the NSS in 2001 and ERS in 2003. I mean, the people who are grumbling for more are not exactly destitute. They are not poor. They just want more hand outs. Singapore has never been a welfare state and probably never will be. I do shudder at the thought that if we were, there would be snaking queues, ala Hello Kitty, waiting for handouts every week.
Put it this way, many of those so-called foreign talents would give a limb to be a citizen, and to be a part of such a vibrant and progressive society like ours. They could only throw envious glances our way when it comes to handouts such as this Progress Package, wondering if they would ever be part of it. As a society based on meritocracy, you get what you work for. The harder you work, the better the payout and the higher you climb that ladder.
Just don't grumble that the handout is not enough when you have a roof with air-conditioning over your head and a car for your daily travels.
Monday, February 20, 2006
That powerful feeling.
For the past few days, the cold-blooded murder of a business man in serene Serangoon was a hot topic. How could anyone be so cold-blooded? It seems so surreal. Despite having one of the toughest gun laws in the world, where the gallows awaits anyone who unlawfully fires a weapon,whatever the intentions were, shootings still happen in Singapore.
It wasn't the first shooting, it won't be the last either. As a kid, many boys dreamt of being soldiers, pilots and a bevy of other "glamorous" profession where testerone levels run high. We all wanted to be Rambo. There's something about holding a firearm that gives us a sense of power. I still remember the time when I had my first toy M-16, I'd pretend for hours on end that I would be Rambo, "hunting" my younger brother down who had a toy AK-47, pretending to be the "Communist enemy".
My first encounter with a real gun and live ammunitions was in Secondary 3. I was in the National Police Cadet Corp and we were introduced to the Smith & Wesson .32 revolver. I fired my first 6 shots at the old Police Academy and, man, it was exhilirating to say the least. The adrenalin rush when hearing that first pop upon pulling the trigger, was incredible.
My next encounter was with a real M-16 when I did my Basic Military Training at Pulau Tekong while serving my National Service. Being in a regimented way of life, where everything you did was under instruction was not fun in any way. The only thing most of us looked forward to was the live shoots we had as part of our training. The first time I fired my rifle, I was shocked at it's power. The recoil did surprise me. Though I did go on to become a marksman with the rifle, I think that, with the exception of a full-scale war, I would have hesitations when faced with a situation where I could kill someone.
Despite all the machoism associated with firing a weapon, there lies a huge difference between shooting a piece of cardboard at 100 meters and shooting a breathing, living person, at point-blank range no less. It takes less conviction to shoot that target board and little conscience. To look someone in the eye and to pull that trigger takes a lot of guts. It takes a really cold heart to be able to kill someone and forget it ever happened. Most of us will be scared to drive again if we ever accidentally caused the death of someone on the road, much less committing something as cold-blooded as murder.
Whatever the motive for the killing was, it still is a terrible thing to have happened. The trauma his wife and young daughter has gone through will probably haunt them for the rest of their lives. I truly feel for them. To hear the gunshots which snuffed out the life of their loved one is one of the most gut-wrenching sounds anyone could hear.
For the sake of the victim's family, I do hope the killers are found, tried and sentenced in accordance with the law.
It wasn't the first shooting, it won't be the last either. As a kid, many boys dreamt of being soldiers, pilots and a bevy of other "glamorous" profession where testerone levels run high. We all wanted to be Rambo. There's something about holding a firearm that gives us a sense of power. I still remember the time when I had my first toy M-16, I'd pretend for hours on end that I would be Rambo, "hunting" my younger brother down who had a toy AK-47, pretending to be the "Communist enemy".
My first encounter with a real gun and live ammunitions was in Secondary 3. I was in the National Police Cadet Corp and we were introduced to the Smith & Wesson .32 revolver. I fired my first 6 shots at the old Police Academy and, man, it was exhilirating to say the least. The adrenalin rush when hearing that first pop upon pulling the trigger, was incredible.
My next encounter was with a real M-16 when I did my Basic Military Training at Pulau Tekong while serving my National Service. Being in a regimented way of life, where everything you did was under instruction was not fun in any way. The only thing most of us looked forward to was the live shoots we had as part of our training. The first time I fired my rifle, I was shocked at it's power. The recoil did surprise me. Though I did go on to become a marksman with the rifle, I think that, with the exception of a full-scale war, I would have hesitations when faced with a situation where I could kill someone.
Despite all the machoism associated with firing a weapon, there lies a huge difference between shooting a piece of cardboard at 100 meters and shooting a breathing, living person, at point-blank range no less. It takes less conviction to shoot that target board and little conscience. To look someone in the eye and to pull that trigger takes a lot of guts. It takes a really cold heart to be able to kill someone and forget it ever happened. Most of us will be scared to drive again if we ever accidentally caused the death of someone on the road, much less committing something as cold-blooded as murder.
Whatever the motive for the killing was, it still is a terrible thing to have happened. The trauma his wife and young daughter has gone through will probably haunt them for the rest of their lives. I truly feel for them. To hear the gunshots which snuffed out the life of their loved one is one of the most gut-wrenching sounds anyone could hear.
For the sake of the victim's family, I do hope the killers are found, tried and sentenced in accordance with the law.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Always look on the bright side of life..
Somehow I felft dumb reminiscing online. Then again, what's there to be ashamed of. It's life. Everyone goes through the highs and euphoria that comes with being in love and the lows and depression of a breakup. What's the big deal right?
I'm lucky in the sense that I have never been dumped before. All my relationships ended amicably. The closest I came to being dumped was when an ex and I were on the break and she, kindof, went out with this expat guy, who did became her next boyfriend thought it didn't last long. Not such a big deal, not like she cheated on me while we were a couple. That would be a totally different story.
I've seen what such traumatic breakups can do to a person. The denial and depression that comes with it can sometimes drive a person to the edges of sanity. It really makes a person contemplate the incomprehensile, things they would never have thought of doing had they been sane. When you are that close over the edge, something trivial as seeing a couple argue, a dare from a friend or voice raised in annoyance would make you flip and do unpredictable things, stupid things.
It always seem like you lost your purpose, your drive. You just don't know what to do. There is a void in your life when the person whom you loved walked out on you. It is worse when your trust in that person was betrayed by acts of infidelity. Yeah, such depression and thoughts can drive the person to do the unthinkable like suicide. To lose that hope and being forced out of that comfort zone is unbearable. No more late night chats over the phone, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears, no more cuddling. Could it get any more worse than that?
I admit that it is hard to accept such depressing realities and get on with life. You always need to take a step back, re-evaluate your priorities and make changes to your life and routine. You have to get out of your comfort zone. Something many of us find intimidating and it makes us fearful of the incertainties. Therein, lies the problem. We are so concerned about the unknown and perceive it to be bleak as we lost something to hold on to, that we always forget that there are other possibilities. We always forget that the grass may be greener on the other side, that there may be light at the end of the proverbial tunnel and that life is full of ups and downs.
Yup, I went through a period of mild depression and uncertainties. But, I'm glad to say that my positive outlook on life did not wavered. Like the saying goes, always look on the bright side of life.
C'mon, you know the song!!!
I'm lucky in the sense that I have never been dumped before. All my relationships ended amicably. The closest I came to being dumped was when an ex and I were on the break and she, kindof, went out with this expat guy, who did became her next boyfriend thought it didn't last long. Not such a big deal, not like she cheated on me while we were a couple. That would be a totally different story.
I've seen what such traumatic breakups can do to a person. The denial and depression that comes with it can sometimes drive a person to the edges of sanity. It really makes a person contemplate the incomprehensile, things they would never have thought of doing had they been sane. When you are that close over the edge, something trivial as seeing a couple argue, a dare from a friend or voice raised in annoyance would make you flip and do unpredictable things, stupid things.
It always seem like you lost your purpose, your drive. You just don't know what to do. There is a void in your life when the person whom you loved walked out on you. It is worse when your trust in that person was betrayed by acts of infidelity. Yeah, such depression and thoughts can drive the person to do the unthinkable like suicide. To lose that hope and being forced out of that comfort zone is unbearable. No more late night chats over the phone, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears, no more cuddling. Could it get any more worse than that?
I admit that it is hard to accept such depressing realities and get on with life. You always need to take a step back, re-evaluate your priorities and make changes to your life and routine. You have to get out of your comfort zone. Something many of us find intimidating and it makes us fearful of the incertainties. Therein, lies the problem. We are so concerned about the unknown and perceive it to be bleak as we lost something to hold on to, that we always forget that there are other possibilities. We always forget that the grass may be greener on the other side, that there may be light at the end of the proverbial tunnel and that life is full of ups and downs.
Yup, I went through a period of mild depression and uncertainties. But, I'm glad to say that my positive outlook on life did not wavered. Like the saying goes, always look on the bright side of life.
C'mon, you know the song!!!
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Confessions of a once love-struck guy
Thank god, Valentine's Day is over. No more over-priced bouquet of flowers. No more mushy dedication over the radio, in the newspapers, practically everywhere. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against celebrating love. I'm not against over-the-top declaration of love. It's just that I can't identify the significance of Valentine's Day. It seems unfeasible for Valentine's Day to pass without a dedication over the radio airwaves or a guy standing by himself waiting for the love of his life with a bouquet of flowers. Mostly, it's the impressionable youths who do that. I mean it isn't the hardest thing to do to sell them the idea of a day to celebrate love. And they all fall for it, hook, line and sinker.
Which brings another question to mind. How do they know, at the adolescence age, if the girl they like is going to be their true love? Even adults would be hard-pressed to answer that, much less the idealistic youths of today.
I, too, was the same. I had the same problems summoning up courage to tell a girl that I liked her out of fear of rejection. Remember those days in secondary school where we would all matchmake one another, and tell the girl whom a guy admires about how much he likes her?? More often that not, nothing ever happens out of it. Then, we grew up, matured, in a sense, and left for polytechnic, JC or ITE. Knowing how better to handle the emotions, or so we thought, we summed up the courage to make that first move, only to be rejected.
I did have a girlfriend in secondary school. I don't know how I managed that but I did make that first move. It was and on-off relationship which lasted for quite a while, till I met a girl who literally captured my heart. Most of my close friends know of this episode. Though it was for a fleeting moment in my life, I know it's hard for me to forget her. The impact she had on my life was immense, she did make me leave my slightly wild ways.
Well, we've both gone our separate ways, leading separate lives. Though, I do hope she is doing well in her life, I have no wish to ever be reunited with her. Not that I don't think of her anymore or that she means little to me, just that I have moved on in my life and have a family now. Like I said to a dear friend of mine, as much as she still holds a place in my heart, I wouldn't want to trade my life since then, and it's better to let her remain a memory - forever a beautiful memory.
My other half knows all about it. I told her. It's better for it to be out in the open and be a non-issue than be kept in the dark and become an issue later on in our lives. To be part of someone's life, you have to accept his or her past, I'm glad she accepted it.
Which brings another question to mind. How do they know, at the adolescence age, if the girl they like is going to be their true love? Even adults would be hard-pressed to answer that, much less the idealistic youths of today.
I, too, was the same. I had the same problems summoning up courage to tell a girl that I liked her out of fear of rejection. Remember those days in secondary school where we would all matchmake one another, and tell the girl whom a guy admires about how much he likes her?? More often that not, nothing ever happens out of it. Then, we grew up, matured, in a sense, and left for polytechnic, JC or ITE. Knowing how better to handle the emotions, or so we thought, we summed up the courage to make that first move, only to be rejected.
I did have a girlfriend in secondary school. I don't know how I managed that but I did make that first move. It was and on-off relationship which lasted for quite a while, till I met a girl who literally captured my heart. Most of my close friends know of this episode. Though it was for a fleeting moment in my life, I know it's hard for me to forget her. The impact she had on my life was immense, she did make me leave my slightly wild ways.
Well, we've both gone our separate ways, leading separate lives. Though, I do hope she is doing well in her life, I have no wish to ever be reunited with her. Not that I don't think of her anymore or that she means little to me, just that I have moved on in my life and have a family now. Like I said to a dear friend of mine, as much as she still holds a place in my heart, I wouldn't want to trade my life since then, and it's better to let her remain a memory - forever a beautiful memory.
My other half knows all about it. I told her. It's better for it to be out in the open and be a non-issue than be kept in the dark and become an issue later on in our lives. To be part of someone's life, you have to accept his or her past, I'm glad she accepted it.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
What backlash?
For the past few days, all I see on the papers and on the news are about the backlash from the Muslim community for the cartoons on Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). Some protestors have even lost their lives in doing so. The furore and rage in many predominantly Islamic countries, while palpable, is simply inexcusable.
As I have said in my previous post, I am saddened and angry at the desecration of the memory of a great man. However, to go on a violent rampage to protect the memory of that man, in essence, goes against the fundamentals of Islam. The events unfolding around us in Indonesia, Pakistan and Afghanistan are targeted at the Europeans, namely the Danes. While protesting is OK, pelting the embassies of Norway and UN missions are not. They are just taking out their anger at any "white man" they see. Let's face it, not everyone in Europe, more specifically, Denmark, agree with the printing of such cartoons.
What is the real objective of attacking the innocent Europeans who are there on humanitarian reasons? They are just biting the hands that are helping to rebuilt their ravaged nations. And for what? Some stupid cartoons? Yes, it was distasteful, disrespectful and irresponsible, but aren't we doing the same by attacking those not responsible for the cartoons? I disagree with the printing of the cartoons, but I disagree more with the actions of some overly zealous Muslims who think they are protecting the memory of our prophet.
Remember when Dr Mahathir said that speech about how the Jews ruled the world by proxy? Remember the rage and furore surrounding those statements? There was even talk of sanctions against Malaysia for that, but nothing came ot of it. There were protests and statements of condemnation from world leaders but no violence. Muslims stood by Mahathir, defended him, knowing full well that such statements will damage relations with the Europeans and the US. We told them that the statements attributed to Mahathir were taken out of context and that Mahathir did not mean to offend the Jewish community.
Now the roles are reversed. Have we even begun to consider the possibility of the cartoons being taken out of context? We all know Muhammad (PBUH) is a symbol of Islam, he is regarded by the West as the founder of Islam. We ask that the West understand our problems and protocols, but have we tried to understand their concept of freedom of speech and expression? While the West have tried to understand Islam and it's sensitivities, have we done the same for them? The cartoons shows the myths surrounding our religion using an image of our prophet as a symbol of Islam. They basically show Muslims as violent people who will pick up the sword at the slightest provocation. Have we done anything to dispel those myths and misconceptions? Have we ever sat down with our Muslims friends and try to educate them on why any images of our prophet is forbidden and considered sacrilegious?
Islam is now seen as a religion that promotes violence. Thanks, in no small measure, to those suicide bombers and militant groups. It will take a long time for Muslims to be able to shed that image of violence. These violence only serves to inculcate a feeling of contempt, distrust, suspicion and ultimately, fear. Do we really want other religions and communities to fear us? Or would rather have them respect us?
Just now, we have yet to earn their respect.
As I have said in my previous post, I am saddened and angry at the desecration of the memory of a great man. However, to go on a violent rampage to protect the memory of that man, in essence, goes against the fundamentals of Islam. The events unfolding around us in Indonesia, Pakistan and Afghanistan are targeted at the Europeans, namely the Danes. While protesting is OK, pelting the embassies of Norway and UN missions are not. They are just taking out their anger at any "white man" they see. Let's face it, not everyone in Europe, more specifically, Denmark, agree with the printing of such cartoons.
What is the real objective of attacking the innocent Europeans who are there on humanitarian reasons? They are just biting the hands that are helping to rebuilt their ravaged nations. And for what? Some stupid cartoons? Yes, it was distasteful, disrespectful and irresponsible, but aren't we doing the same by attacking those not responsible for the cartoons? I disagree with the printing of the cartoons, but I disagree more with the actions of some overly zealous Muslims who think they are protecting the memory of our prophet.
Remember when Dr Mahathir said that speech about how the Jews ruled the world by proxy? Remember the rage and furore surrounding those statements? There was even talk of sanctions against Malaysia for that, but nothing came ot of it. There were protests and statements of condemnation from world leaders but no violence. Muslims stood by Mahathir, defended him, knowing full well that such statements will damage relations with the Europeans and the US. We told them that the statements attributed to Mahathir were taken out of context and that Mahathir did not mean to offend the Jewish community.
Now the roles are reversed. Have we even begun to consider the possibility of the cartoons being taken out of context? We all know Muhammad (PBUH) is a symbol of Islam, he is regarded by the West as the founder of Islam. We ask that the West understand our problems and protocols, but have we tried to understand their concept of freedom of speech and expression? While the West have tried to understand Islam and it's sensitivities, have we done the same for them? The cartoons shows the myths surrounding our religion using an image of our prophet as a symbol of Islam. They basically show Muslims as violent people who will pick up the sword at the slightest provocation. Have we done anything to dispel those myths and misconceptions? Have we ever sat down with our Muslims friends and try to educate them on why any images of our prophet is forbidden and considered sacrilegious?
Islam is now seen as a religion that promotes violence. Thanks, in no small measure, to those suicide bombers and militant groups. It will take a long time for Muslims to be able to shed that image of violence. These violence only serves to inculcate a feeling of contempt, distrust, suspicion and ultimately, fear. Do we really want other religions and communities to fear us? Or would rather have them respect us?
Just now, we have yet to earn their respect.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
The greatest....
Ever since Man learnt how to make measurements, we have strived to be the best. We started recording our greatest achievements. We wanted to know how we stacked up against our peers. Somehow, we wanted to know if we could be the fastest, tallest, farthest, heaviest - errr, maybe not the last one. But we all wanted to be numero uno.
Throughout history, there were many names which stood out - Jesus, Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Admiral Zheng He, Christopher Columbus, Napoleon, Albert Einstein, George Washington and Dwight D Eisenhower to name a few. We know all these men and their exploits and what they were famous for. Yeap, they were all great. Many people will have different criterions for measuring greatness. A National Geographic program shown a month or two ago also analysed this topic. And their conclusion? Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). And I concur, not because I am a Muslim, but because I am hard-pressed to find anyone, living or dead, who comes close to his achievements and legacy.
No doubt the names I mentioned prior were great, in their own way. None were great in every aspect of life as Muhammad (PBUH) was. Jesus was a great man. He, however did not define or create Christianity. Christianity saw the light of day only after Jesus's death. Alexander, Genghis Khan and Napoleon were great conquerors. However, what remains of their conquests are now consigned to history book. Zheng He and Columbus were adventurers and discovered new lands for their people, and that was it. George Washington and Eisenhower were great military commanders and statesmen, but they still did not measure up. In fact, the way he lived his life is being followed by Muslims around the world - right down to the way he ate.
He created and perfected a religion of love and peace. He negotiated peace treaties between wrring tribes and united a disunited Arab people under Islam. He created a constitution for the city of Madinah guaranteeing equal rights to its citizens. All decisions were made through a council of likewise esteemed men in the community. Even before his prophethood, he was well-known in Makkah as a fair, righteous and honest man. He advocated the spread of Islam through peaceful means, picking up the sword only in defence or as a last resort. In his last years, he oversaw the spread of Islam to nearby regions. And the spreading of Islam is still ongoing, even now. Not bad for an illiterate, don't you think?
Muslims treat Muhammad (PBUH) with reverence, hence the phrase peace be upon him everytime his name is said or written. Images of him and anything to depict his likeness is considered blasphemous. Even slandering him is blasphemy. This is simply because, Muslims regard the great man with all the love in the world. He is the one man all Muslims dream of meeting and kissing his hands.
So, it saddens me to see caricatures of the great man as depicted by Jyllands-Posten, a Danish paper. It's not so much about the blasphemy which angers me, but the insensitivity shown by the editors of the paper. To do something that impinges on the sensitivites of the Muslim populace, without regard for its consequences is very irresponsible, especially at a time when Muslim frustration at the West is at an all-time high.
Imagine someone defacing a statue of George Washington or someone suggesting that George Washington is a paedophile. The American public would be up in arms against that person. Ditto for the Muslims. Western publications consistently publishes caricatures of famous people and poking fun at them. So, why not Muhammad (PBUH)? Simply because, the memory of the man transcends any national, racial and religious boundaries. Here is a man, guided by God, who has nevver put a wrong foot in whatever he did. A man so revered by Muslims around the world that his image and likeness is outlawed.
I am not so sure if a Pandora's Box has indeed been opened. We are, however, taking a step closer to that if such insensitivities are allowed to take place. Think of it this way, how can we find peace in the world when the very people you hope to have peace with are the very people you keep provoking?
Throughout history, there were many names which stood out - Jesus, Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Admiral Zheng He, Christopher Columbus, Napoleon, Albert Einstein, George Washington and Dwight D Eisenhower to name a few. We know all these men and their exploits and what they were famous for. Yeap, they were all great. Many people will have different criterions for measuring greatness. A National Geographic program shown a month or two ago also analysed this topic. And their conclusion? Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). And I concur, not because I am a Muslim, but because I am hard-pressed to find anyone, living or dead, who comes close to his achievements and legacy.
No doubt the names I mentioned prior were great, in their own way. None were great in every aspect of life as Muhammad (PBUH) was. Jesus was a great man. He, however did not define or create Christianity. Christianity saw the light of day only after Jesus's death. Alexander, Genghis Khan and Napoleon were great conquerors. However, what remains of their conquests are now consigned to history book. Zheng He and Columbus were adventurers and discovered new lands for their people, and that was it. George Washington and Eisenhower were great military commanders and statesmen, but they still did not measure up. In fact, the way he lived his life is being followed by Muslims around the world - right down to the way he ate.
He created and perfected a religion of love and peace. He negotiated peace treaties between wrring tribes and united a disunited Arab people under Islam. He created a constitution for the city of Madinah guaranteeing equal rights to its citizens. All decisions were made through a council of likewise esteemed men in the community. Even before his prophethood, he was well-known in Makkah as a fair, righteous and honest man. He advocated the spread of Islam through peaceful means, picking up the sword only in defence or as a last resort. In his last years, he oversaw the spread of Islam to nearby regions. And the spreading of Islam is still ongoing, even now. Not bad for an illiterate, don't you think?
Muslims treat Muhammad (PBUH) with reverence, hence the phrase peace be upon him everytime his name is said or written. Images of him and anything to depict his likeness is considered blasphemous. Even slandering him is blasphemy. This is simply because, Muslims regard the great man with all the love in the world. He is the one man all Muslims dream of meeting and kissing his hands.
So, it saddens me to see caricatures of the great man as depicted by Jyllands-Posten, a Danish paper. It's not so much about the blasphemy which angers me, but the insensitivity shown by the editors of the paper. To do something that impinges on the sensitivites of the Muslim populace, without regard for its consequences is very irresponsible, especially at a time when Muslim frustration at the West is at an all-time high.
Imagine someone defacing a statue of George Washington or someone suggesting that George Washington is a paedophile. The American public would be up in arms against that person. Ditto for the Muslims. Western publications consistently publishes caricatures of famous people and poking fun at them. So, why not Muhammad (PBUH)? Simply because, the memory of the man transcends any national, racial and religious boundaries. Here is a man, guided by God, who has nevver put a wrong foot in whatever he did. A man so revered by Muslims around the world that his image and likeness is outlawed.
I am not so sure if a Pandora's Box has indeed been opened. We are, however, taking a step closer to that if such insensitivities are allowed to take place. Think of it this way, how can we find peace in the world when the very people you hope to have peace with are the very people you keep provoking?
Friday, February 03, 2006
On the road
I loved riding bikes. I still do. There's something about riding which gives me a sense of freedom and adventure which I would not otherwise, have in my mundane life. I had a group of biker friends who I used to hang out with, often into the wee hours. One thing that I still remember was the recklessness with which some of us, myself included, rode our bikes. We dared to ride with only 1 hand on the handlebar at 100kmh on the expressways, rounded sharp corners at excessive speeds and intimidating other road users with our antics. Looking back, it wasn't a smart thing to do. We were just toying with fate, playing with our lives.
I'm past that. Ever since, I left the group, I've mellowed. I have given up riding. The reckless streak in me has been suppressed but the impatience behind the wheel is still there. I think I'm a good driver. I don't speed that much anymore, I rarely go above the speed limits. I follow the traffic rules. What riles me though is inconsiderate driving. There were times when I felt like stepping out of my car and punch the face of the inconsiderate driver.
I mean, I know my car is no Ferrari or Lamborghini. I know I will have trouble climbing up a hill at 4th gear. That doesn't mean you can tailgate me or high beam at me when I'm travelling at 80kmh on the 2nd lane of the expressway. That's what the 1st lane, the overtaking lane is there for - overtaking. If you are not happy with my speed, just overtake me, you don't have to tell me I'm slow. I know. That's why I'm not on the fast lane. It really pisses me off when other drivers, upon seeing my small car, immediately think of overtaking me when they are a good 100m behind me. Forget taxi drivers. We all know how inconsiderate they are. One thing I do notice is that most of the inconsiderate driving I personally come across are male chinese aged between 35-45. Especially those who drive Mercedes and some continental makes.
Equally frustrating to deal with are the road hoggers. Sadly, most of the road-hoggers I see are lady drivers. Why sadly? Lady drivers take a lot of flak for their "poor" driving skills. They have to work doubly hard in order to prove their doubters wrong in a male-dominated environment. As if that's not enough, they get honked and high-beamed at almost a daily basis. Honestly, I pity lady drivers as they are pigeon-holed before they even turn the ignition. I mean, cut her some slack, they are not "poor", bad or lousy drivers, they just prefer to play it safe than to push the limits. I don't see the need to get angry when you can easily overtake and let it slide.
I'm not trying to diss any specific group of people here. I just say it out as I see it. I hate inconsiderate drivers more than I hate road hoggers. At least road-hoggers, mostly, have the decency to wave their hands to say sorry. Inconsiderate drivers are too lazy to do that, they only wave 1 fnger.
I'm past that. Ever since, I left the group, I've mellowed. I have given up riding. The reckless streak in me has been suppressed but the impatience behind the wheel is still there. I think I'm a good driver. I don't speed that much anymore, I rarely go above the speed limits. I follow the traffic rules. What riles me though is inconsiderate driving. There were times when I felt like stepping out of my car and punch the face of the inconsiderate driver.
I mean, I know my car is no Ferrari or Lamborghini. I know I will have trouble climbing up a hill at 4th gear. That doesn't mean you can tailgate me or high beam at me when I'm travelling at 80kmh on the 2nd lane of the expressway. That's what the 1st lane, the overtaking lane is there for - overtaking. If you are not happy with my speed, just overtake me, you don't have to tell me I'm slow. I know. That's why I'm not on the fast lane. It really pisses me off when other drivers, upon seeing my small car, immediately think of overtaking me when they are a good 100m behind me. Forget taxi drivers. We all know how inconsiderate they are. One thing I do notice is that most of the inconsiderate driving I personally come across are male chinese aged between 35-45. Especially those who drive Mercedes and some continental makes.
Equally frustrating to deal with are the road hoggers. Sadly, most of the road-hoggers I see are lady drivers. Why sadly? Lady drivers take a lot of flak for their "poor" driving skills. They have to work doubly hard in order to prove their doubters wrong in a male-dominated environment. As if that's not enough, they get honked and high-beamed at almost a daily basis. Honestly, I pity lady drivers as they are pigeon-holed before they even turn the ignition. I mean, cut her some slack, they are not "poor", bad or lousy drivers, they just prefer to play it safe than to push the limits. I don't see the need to get angry when you can easily overtake and let it slide.
I'm not trying to diss any specific group of people here. I just say it out as I see it. I hate inconsiderate drivers more than I hate road hoggers. At least road-hoggers, mostly, have the decency to wave their hands to say sorry. Inconsiderate drivers are too lazy to do that, they only wave 1 fnger.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Happy New Year....
Yeap, a very happy Lunar New Year to our Colleagues who do celebrate the event. The year of the dog. 4 days of lazying around, relaxing which never was.
It used to be called Chinese New Year, now it's called Lunar New Year. Simply because, the Chinese aren't the only ones to celebrate the event. In fact, most cultures in South East Asia, celebrate it, Vietnamese, Cambodians, Thais, though they each have a different name and, probably, slightly different reasons for the celebrations. Muslims all over the world too celebrated a new year on 30th Jan 2006. It was the start of a new year in the Islamic or Hijrah Calendar. It, like the Chinese Calendar, follows the Lunar Cycle. It is now the year 1427 according to the Hijaah Calendar.
A lot of non-muslims, misunderstand the significance of this day, often mistaking Aidilfitri aka Hari Raya Puasa as the start of a new year in the muslim calendar. Aidilfitri actually occurs on the 10th month of the Hijrah Calendar. I don't blame them. I can't. Not when there are Muslims here in Singapore who do not know what the day signifies.
The Hijrah Calendar started from the year our prophet, Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him), moved from Makkah Al-Mukarramah to Madinah Al-Munawwarah, in present-day Saudi Arabia, to avoid persecution from his own clan. This event took place in the year 622AD. He and his closest Companion, Abu Bakar As-Siddiq, left under the cover of darkness, heading to Madinah, while leaving his young cousin, Ali Ibn Abi Talib to sleep in his bed. All these while his own clan were surrounding his house with a plot to murder him that very night.
I have had questions in my mind as to why our Prophet "ran away" from the persecution rather than to meet the challange head-on. Was he a coward? I was yet to be enlightened then. Now, I realise my folly. He was not running away. He had nothing to fear. It was just that his mission was not completed and circumstances forced his move. This event brings to mind another name from the annals of history. General Douglas MacArthur. He, too had to flee the Philippines when faced with insurmountable odds in the face of the Japanese onslaught. Would anyone dare accuse MacArthur of cowardice? Like MacArthur, Muhammad (PBUH) is no coward. He was commanded to move to Madinah to continue his mission there.
This event bears no relavance to current context, say some. That's where they are wrong. It has a lot of relevance. When our Prophet moved to Madinah, he carried with him the hopes of the tiny, fledgling Muslim community in Makkah which he left behind. They hoped that he would be well-received in Madinah, so that they could continue practicing their religion the a safer environment. As we move to a New Islamic Year, it is very much with hope that our prayers are answered, our lives become better and that we, as a person and servant of God, be a better human.
It saddens me to see so many of our youths not knowing or choosing to ignore such a historical event in Islam's glorious history. On a day when we should have repented the past and celebrate the dawn of a New Year with special prayers, some of us chose to start the new year, the way they ended the past - frivolously.
It used to be called Chinese New Year, now it's called Lunar New Year. Simply because, the Chinese aren't the only ones to celebrate the event. In fact, most cultures in South East Asia, celebrate it, Vietnamese, Cambodians, Thais, though they each have a different name and, probably, slightly different reasons for the celebrations. Muslims all over the world too celebrated a new year on 30th Jan 2006. It was the start of a new year in the Islamic or Hijrah Calendar. It, like the Chinese Calendar, follows the Lunar Cycle. It is now the year 1427 according to the Hijaah Calendar.
A lot of non-muslims, misunderstand the significance of this day, often mistaking Aidilfitri aka Hari Raya Puasa as the start of a new year in the muslim calendar. Aidilfitri actually occurs on the 10th month of the Hijrah Calendar. I don't blame them. I can't. Not when there are Muslims here in Singapore who do not know what the day signifies.
The Hijrah Calendar started from the year our prophet, Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him), moved from Makkah Al-Mukarramah to Madinah Al-Munawwarah, in present-day Saudi Arabia, to avoid persecution from his own clan. This event took place in the year 622AD. He and his closest Companion, Abu Bakar As-Siddiq, left under the cover of darkness, heading to Madinah, while leaving his young cousin, Ali Ibn Abi Talib to sleep in his bed. All these while his own clan were surrounding his house with a plot to murder him that very night.
I have had questions in my mind as to why our Prophet "ran away" from the persecution rather than to meet the challange head-on. Was he a coward? I was yet to be enlightened then. Now, I realise my folly. He was not running away. He had nothing to fear. It was just that his mission was not completed and circumstances forced his move. This event brings to mind another name from the annals of history. General Douglas MacArthur. He, too had to flee the Philippines when faced with insurmountable odds in the face of the Japanese onslaught. Would anyone dare accuse MacArthur of cowardice? Like MacArthur, Muhammad (PBUH) is no coward. He was commanded to move to Madinah to continue his mission there.
This event bears no relavance to current context, say some. That's where they are wrong. It has a lot of relevance. When our Prophet moved to Madinah, he carried with him the hopes of the tiny, fledgling Muslim community in Makkah which he left behind. They hoped that he would be well-received in Madinah, so that they could continue practicing their religion the a safer environment. As we move to a New Islamic Year, it is very much with hope that our prayers are answered, our lives become better and that we, as a person and servant of God, be a better human.
It saddens me to see so many of our youths not knowing or choosing to ignore such a historical event in Islam's glorious history. On a day when we should have repented the past and celebrate the dawn of a New Year with special prayers, some of us chose to start the new year, the way they ended the past - frivolously.
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