It's time to move on

I have never been a real success at what I have done. Most times, I lack the zeal and motivation to do anything and see it through to fruition. A lot of times, I lose focus at critical points and veer away from my initial goals. My former teacher in primary school, whom, I still keep in touch with thought so too. In fact, she'd still say the same if she had known my progress since.

A lot of times, we are often left to think about the what-could-have-beens and what-was-not-meant-to-be. I'm not going to lie about it, there were times where while reminiscing, I began to think of that few months between Dec 96 to Mar 97. Some of my closer friends knew about it. I cannot understand why I keep referencing to that moment in time. I guess it's because, subconciously, I would have loved a second shot at that. I admit, the sense of attraction I felt to her then is stronger than anything I have ever experienced.

I confided to some of my closest friends about this, mostly the girls. Somehow, talking to a girl gave me a different perspective as to what I already have. I know and very much aware that what I am feeling is all wrong. I had to do something to let go of that past. Else, my life would be a living hell. Sure, this whole thing rekindled partly because of the tiff I had with the missus earlier in the year. However, to put the blame squarely on that tiff was irresponsible as much as it is a denial. Yes, I was still stuck on the past.

The way it ended was as subtle as it could have been, however, I know now, I've never really been able to get over that. I mean , I've had longer and more serious relationships than this but somehow this one stuck. I've always remembered fondly, how she made me stop my wilder ways, and the impact and focus she gave my life, albeit for that few short months.

After that chat therapy, it occured to me, I'm so good at giving advice to those who ask for it, but I'm damn lousy at practising those advise myself. Talk about moving on with life, let bygones be bygones, an ex is called an ex because you crossed him/her out of your life, but here I am, still thinking about the past. Sounds dumb?? I think some people would term it as pathetic. I think so too. Behind the confidence and eloquence, is a mess refusing to get sorted out. Then it hit me, if things didn't work out, why would it work now?

One friend had this to say to me, "It's in the past. You have to let it go. You haven't let it go. Think about your wife, you are just being selfish"

Another said, "You need professional help"

To those friends, and yes, they read this blog, thanks for knocking some sense to this mindless fool who seems to have lost touch reality. The reality of it all is that I have a great wife and apart from the occasional squabbles triggered by issues stemming from her family, my life is great. I guess I just lost track of that as well as my focus, the story of my life. Well, I had better recover quick or that reality will be history.