Fading away....

I was driving back from lunch just now and decided to put on my Metallica compilation CD and blasted it in my car. It is a habit cultivated from my school years to lift my spirits whenever I feel like I'm in the doldrums.

"The Four Horsemen" was first, then came "The Call of Ktulu". Both were heavy numbers which took my mind of the troubles and the test I am facing right now. What I was not prepared for was the next song. "Fade to Black". As most Metallica fans know this number was written when Metallica was facing some testing and troubled times of their own. Pretty much summed up the mood within me.

Just when I thought I had my troubles behind me for a minute or so, the mood came back. Flooded with emotions as I connected with the song. It felt like I was fading away, drowned out by my own troubles. My smile and jovial, cheerful disposition were gone, leaving an empty shell. I used to be a person who thrived on challenges and enjoyed pushing my limits. Somehow, I had lost that drive and that will to fight.

My closest friends know that I am a highly optimistic person. I helped some of them out of their doldrums and gave them the hope to carry on. Some of them has gone on record to say I helped them out of their troubled times. That optimism has since been swallowed by the pessimistic streak now raging through me. Now, I seem ridiculously helpless. I never once thought I'd lose it. I have yet to see light.

I had thought that I had neared the abyss a few days back. I thought most of my troubles are nearing its abyss. I thought I could soon have my smile and my cheerful, jovial self back.

Man, was I wrong......big time!