Islam with an agenda......

Lately, there has been this big hoohah about Islam and its views on apostasy. A lot has been said about this topic that I cant help butting in - with my considerable bum and girth - and air my thoughts.I had a great little conversation about this with dear friend of mine who's teaching in Medan, Indonesia. Yeap, the very same one affected by the tusnami back in Dec 26 2004.

Despite what I said about the superpowers putting their noses where it don't belong, I do think it is a basic human right for any human to choose his/her religion. So why the uproar over apostasy in Islam? This is because all the schools of jurispudence in Islam are unanimous that the punishment for apostasy in Islam is death. This law punishment was laid out by out great prophet Muhammad PBUH when he said that if a Muslim were to foresake his religion, he is to be killed. However, at the same time, many scholars also agree that there is nothing in the holy book, the Al-Quran, that prescribes worldly punishments for apostasy.

I am not an Islamic scholar, and not about to pretend or act like one. Fact is, we treat our prophet and the Al-Quran with utmost respect and reveration. Deep inside every Muslim is that strong desire to be a martyr, to be guaranteed a place in paradise. With such deep-rooted emotions, anything - any words, actions or even insinuations - against our prophet and the holy book is taken as direct slap in the face of each and every Muslim, thus the outpouring of anger everytime it happens. Admittedly, some take it abit too far resulting in unnecessary deaths in riots and demonstrations.

Back to the furore regarding apostasy, we have to understand the complex nature of Islam. Islam is an inifite religion, always relevant, flexible and always accomodating. Islam believes that there is no compulsion in religion (written in Al-Quran) there is no coercion whatsoever. Some people have called apostasy as akin to high treason. Personally, I do not believe so. While the prophet said that any Muslim who apostates must be killed, we have to understand the reasons for that ruling. For, while it is stated in the Hadith or traditions of the prophet, it was not stated anywhere in Al-Quran.

In its infancy, Muslims numbered less than a few hundred. In fact, the spreading of Islam was, initially, done discreetly, for fear of persecution from the local Meccan authorities. When Muhammad PBUH emigrated to Madinah, he was embraced by the locals and they embraced Islam. The Meccans harassed the fledgling Muslim city-state, fighting several vicious wars and many other skirmishes. While the Muslims accepted new Muslim converts into their fold with open arms, there were cases whereby their supposed allies and supposed Muslim brethren became turncoats and forsaked Islam causing deaths of many Muslims. It was in this state of war that it was declared by Muhammad PBUH that any apostate be killed.

Now, the same laws are being invoked but it bears no relavance anymore, in the sense that the context has changed. While Islam remains relevant, some of its laws have eveolved to adapt to the changing times and mindsets. While it was acceptable to kill for revenge then, it is no longer true now. Islam is no longer at war and fighting for its survival. Take for example, the banning of headscarves in many secular schools around the world - not only in France. While Islam dictates that girls who have reached puberty must cover themselves when in the presence of ther men, it becomes faux pas to insist on wearing the headscarf if wearing it means forsaking racial harmony and stability.

Many a time, Islamic words, symbols and laws of years gone by have been taken out of context. The greatest example would be jihad. Jihad literally means struggle, the struggle of one person against his demons is his own perconal jihad, but some have chosen to use the meaning as armed struggle and holy war. It's just that meaning of jihad has been twisted to suit the needs of those with an agenda, one which suits their twisted minds. What's so holy about killing oneself in order to kill many innocent civilians?

I'm not rejecting the fatwa of the scholars and the Syariah Laws that govern us as Muslims, what I reject is the actions of the discerning few who have an agenda and invoking laws, putting their agenda gains ahead of social stability and racial harmony.

Superpowers?? They aren't that super in my books

Well, this is unprecedented on my part. 2 posts in 1 day. Actually, the post preceding this was written yesterday, just that I didn't post it straightaway. Remember my previous post about the Afghan guy who stands accused of apostasy and has probably a noose hanging around his neck already?

Well, it seems that the Afghan judiciary has decided to release him. My guess is that decision was taken, thanks to, in no small measure, the overwhelming pressure from the countries who have "liberated" Afghanistan. Liberation from what?Liberation from living under the rule of God? Colonials have reared its ugly head once again. Only this time, they don't go about conquering other nations directly, but put these nations under so much pressure they readily subjugate.

Think about it, Afghanistan was a peaceful country inhabited by wandering nomads whose only purpose was to live according to how their God and Prophet had instructed them to. Living the simple life and being simple people, was not so simple after all. Alexander The Great had a crack at it, so did the Mongols. Then in AD 642, the Arabs came and introduced Islam, perhaps the one lasting impression from all those centuries of wars. The Soviets were the last to try. Not much success there. In all the confusion, a small band of freedom fighters who live by the book and implement the Sharia Laws (Islamic law) to the letter. They called themselves the Taliban. Initially, they were accepted and embraced. They then became reclusive and shut itself from the outside world.

Now, we have the USA and UK trying to dictate, in no certain terms, to the newly-formed Afghan government how to lead it's people. How to live their lives. I repeat my question, who gave them the right to decide what is right and what is wrong? The Americans, the so-called protectors of humanity, the so-called superpower, invaded Afghanistan with the pretext of ridding the world of tyranny. I wonder just who is the tyrant here, forcing its ideologies on the others, making others subjugate to him, either through brute force or through political pressure.

It's no wonder that Western powers are reviled in most Middle-Eastern communities. From the jungles of Vietnam to the shores of Libya to the deserts of Afghanistan and Iraq, their interventions have not only increased hostilities and anger towards the American government, but also to its people in general. I know that I sound very passionately against, to the brink of fanaticsm, of Western policies, but the truth is, if American pressure extended to China in forcing their ideologies on an admittedly Communist country, I'd very much feel against it.

No one has the right to force anyone else to believe in something or to disbelieve in something else. Isn't that one of the basis of human rights? Why then does the Western powers, the USA specifically, insist on forcing it's ideologies of democracy on the rest of the world? Being a nation who supports terrorism (read: creation of Israel), being a nation who cares little for collateral damage (read: Vietnam War) and being a nation without regards for international consensus and believing in the legitimacy of unilateral action (read: Iraq Invasion and Kyoto accords for greenhouse emissions) is not the kind of portfolio one would expect from a nation which regards itself as the protectors of humanity.

Winning the 2 World Wars almost single-handedly, while a great and remarkable achievement does not make one the perpetual protectors to everything living.

Let's elect our voice in Parliament

General Elections. Yeap, another round of walkovers, landslide PAP victories and a few more battles in some constituencies. Having been in power, since before I was born, success for PAP shows no signs of abating yet. At least not while Singapore remains safe and clean and the economy thrives. Success breeds success they say.

Honestly, I feel as though half the nation is just going through the motions. It's not that there is no opposition, Probably, just a lack of credible ones. Having a 1-party government for decades, means that most of us never knew what a credible opposition in the government could bring. Heap that with the conformist attitudes that are so prevalent amongst the locals, means, the opposition may not get much of a sniff at winning. I'm not shooting down the opposition before the battle has begun. But apart from the opposition controlled constituencies, not much else can be seen on the ground to garner votes and to sway those on the fences.

One of the key contention points in every GE is upgrading. It seems that those constituencies who vote for the opposition gets pushed down the pecking order for any estate upgrading. It's a carrot that has always been promised by the ruling PAP. I don't get it, are such upgrading supposed to be a reward for putting the PAP in power and a punishment for putting the opposition in power? While the elder statesmen, Mr Lee Kuan Yew and Mr Goh Chok Tong spoke of the need for a credible opposition, it's either the opposition are not strong enough to put up a credible challenge or they don't do enough to canvass the populace for votes.

Granted that the policies put in place by the government are mostly spot-on. I mean, we have amongst the smartest people in the world, Math Olympiad anyone? However, we are not the most innovative, creative and proactive. We'd rather sit and wait and take what's given and silently complains when things are taken. Who could blame us? Raised on a diet of fed propaganda, numerous social campaigns and countless policies that defines how we live, it's little wonder that we have raised more machines than humans. Let's face it; it is socially unacceptable to be a failure in school. How many of those who were condemned early in their education as failures managed to get themselves out of that rut?

Think the Speak Good English, Courtesy and many other campaigns. While the purpose is to educate the public, it also forces those ideologies on us. Should it matter that we don't speak good english when we have little interaction with foreigners? While it's stereotypical, it's also true that those who don't speak good english has little contact with "angmohs". They don't run global empires or MNCs. They are just simple people eking out a living to fulfil their basic needs. While the various campaigns and policies have mostly hit the targets, it has also made us a society afraid to think out of the box and to voice out our opinions. All thanks to decades of being told how to live our lives.

Now, I'm sounding like an armchair politician. I can't help it when it bugs me. Think I'll just adopt the nationally accepted approach to politics and life in general - wait and see.

Don't poke ur nose where it doesn't belong.

Dammitt!!! The weekend's coming to a close now. I still have yet to shake of my lethargy from my mental exertions. How did my weekend go?? Apart from not being able to rest that much due to attending to some requests for help from my customers and my car having a flat tyre , it went extremely well.

Yeah, I do a bit of freelancing, helping some self-confessed PC-illiterate families with their computers, for a small fee, of course. Actually, I do pity them in the sense that they got young school-going kids who will definitely need internet access and they can't do much to assist their own kids. That's where I come in. Apart from setting up their computers and networks, I teach them basic PC and Internet knowledge. I try to give them their money's worth and explain all available options, it's up to them to decide their preferred course of action for me to implement. It's not that difficult explaining all the technical jargon in layman terms.

Anyway, I was reading yesterday's papers and came face to face with a man whom I had never before seen, but whose life and future do affect me, in a way. He is a 41-year old Afghan man, born a Muslim and raised as a Muslim. At 25, he began working for a Christian missionary helping his community and he converted to Christianity. While it is seen as a basic human right in most parts of the world, Islam strictly dictates that a Muslim who renounces his Islamic faith is considered an apostate, something which is punishable by death in Islamic Law. Western media and their governemnts were quick to denounce the trial as a violation of the basic tenets of human rights - the right to choose.

Over the years, we have seen a lot of western provocation. Remember, US trying to influence Singapore not to cane Michael Fay? Remember Australia trying to intervene when an Australian model was caught trafficking drugs in Bali? Remember the US condemning Malaysia when Mahathir fired that rhetoric about Jews ruling the world by proxy? Has anyone forgotten the waging of the 2nd Gulf war on the premise that Saddam Hussein has stockpiles of WMD, without authorisation from the UN Security Council?? If this is not yet another example of Western provocation, then what is? They claim to live by the laws enshrined by their respective constitutions. They demand that their basic rights as a sovereign nation be respected. But can they claim to do the same for the rest of the world? Who or what gave them the autority to challenge or influence the rulings of the judiciary of another country?

OK, back to the Afghan guy. Now, here is a man, raised as a Muslim. He knows the consequences of his actions. He knows that the punishment for renouncing Islam and not repenting is death. Christianity is not something forced upon him. He embraced Christianity. In a way, he signed his own death warrant. He did choose. So, if the Afghan judiciary decide on death as his punishment, and rightly so, there is no one to blame but himself. If anyone were to ask me if I respected the Afghan man's basic human rights, I would only say, " Has those who denounce this ruling as a violation of human rights ever considered the human rights of those inmates in Guantanmo Bay, who are held indefinitely, without any charges pressed against them??"

I say, let the Afghans decide what to do with their country. Let them decide how they live. No human has the right to impose their views and way of life on another. Then again, what do those colonialist, who categorizes all whom do not observe their customs and way of life and savages, know about basic human right? They only care for their rights. Now, did I violate anyone's human rights??

Work, work, work!!

Well, it's been a really hectic past few days. Work has been sucking the life out of me, literally. It's not so much my work is physically taxing, far from it. My job revolves around my little cubicle, and basically staring into space, trying to find little holes in the wall that need plugging. Honestly, I wish I had such a job, preferably one which comes with a corner office overlooking the city or better still the wide blue yonder and that pays me more than I could use. I mean No amount of money is too little, ask Bill if you don't believe me.

Talking about Billy ole boy, he is tops again in the Forbes' rish list. His nett worth is probably more than the GDP of some of the developed nations. Obscene isn't it? In a world where half the population live in poverty, not knowing what a computer is, let alone know how to use it, I do find it obscene to be worth USD50 billion. What the heck is he ever gonna do with all that money. In fact, can anyone contemplate having USD50 billion in hard currency?? OK, he does donate, probably, close to 50% of his profits annually to charitable causes. I'm not against wealth accumulation, I'm all for it, I mean, who doesn't want to be able to say , "I got USD10,000 loose change, you want it?" Well, I'm dreaming again.

Seriously though, having to work for the rest of our lives is a stark reality we all have to face. Ole Billy boy still goes to work everyday, doesn't he? I guess he has my dream job. I have been doing a lot of calculations lately and somehow, it occured to me. I may never be able to retire. I'm 29 (ooppps, there goes the big secret), earning an average income, with a bank balance the size which a primary school kid would laugh at, car loan to repay and a housing mortgage which won't be fully repaid till I'm 56. Somehow, the maths don't add up. Anyone knows how I can get in touch with Billy??

Oh, back to my job. The thing about my job is that it's not most fun thing to do. I can't complain though, considering that I do make a decent living. Basically, my job entails clearing the mess left behind by others, namely my predecessor - not the easiest thing to do, considering I, initially, had an anally retentive boss. Things picked up after some reshuffle and my current boss took over. I was at my most productive, churning out reports, defining processes, drawing up the work instructions - fun ain't it??

Then along came the ISO audits. Those things really sap you. Having to go through tons of data, making sure everything is in place, every little detail is scrutinized and all actions accounted for is the most satisfying and gratifying part of my job. Cynical?? You think so??!?!?

Thank God, it's all over and done with. the auditors did not have much of a chance to scrutinize much anyway, all thanks to my big mouth. Pre-emptive strikes galore in the boardroom just now, I tell you. My brain was in overdrive, thinking of things they might ask and my mouth was spouting answers to the questions they were about to ask. Add in a little witty banter and a relaxed atmosphere, it all bode well. By the time the auditors were ready with their report, I was mentally drained. Thing is, I worked my ass of preparing for this, any Non-Compliance to any of the standards on my part would have been intolerable.

Well, the results were great. No Non-Complaince!! At least not for me!! Now where's my favourite pillow!

Commitmentphobia: Are you the factor?

Had another interesting conversation with yet another friend, who's yet another babe- maybe not supermodel material but definitely the kind I like. Ah, dun worry, I'm still aware, alive and thinking straight. I'm not about to go gallivanting - not that I could anyway - and chasing skirts.

Anyway, twas about the perennial problem most men have - fear of commitment, commitmentphobia. Well, she's with her boyfriend for 2 years now, they really do make a good couple and she feels he's the one. However, she has still to meet his mom and she has yet to get a chance to get closer to his family. Some of us realise that meeting the parents is as close as you get to walking down the isle or shaking hands with the kadi, depending on you faith of choice. She seems peeved at the fact that they have yet to move on to that other level after 2 years of courtship.

I do agree that we, men, are weird creatures. We can go into a shopping mall, buy the things we need and get out in 15 minutes. We don't spend 15 minutes in the toilet, powdering our noses or checking if we smell right. But we just get stumped sometimes when engagement or marriage comes into the picture. The thought of having to wake up next to the same person for the rest of our lives sometimes intimidate the most courageous men. Throw in the babies, diapers and naggy MILs, most men would run for cover.

Then again, I never had those thoughts. I didn't do most things most guys would, like party, hang out at their favourite haunts, checking out the ladies. Don't get me wrong, I did check out the skirts, just didn't indulge myself in all those foollery by wolf-whistling. I know I said I was in a bike gang before. Then again, I was called "Mr Cool". Most probably not because I was cool, but because I didn't like partaking in everything all the other guys did. They did go to discos and went for parties, they did get drunk, and man they did get laid. I was the guy who sat at the corner and observed the going-ons, much to my amusement, more often than not.

Ok back to my bewildered, frustrated and disappointed friend. I feel for her, I really do, though my evil twin is rubbing his hands in glee at the thought of her being single and available again. Seriously though, she complained about her boyfriend focusing too much at work and spends too little time with her. Initially, I thought that it was a trivial issue. I mean, he may be planning andworried about their future together and wants to make sure he could provide for her when they get married. It was only when she told me about his commitmentphobia that I understood her.

In a society, where a 6-month old relationship is perceived to be ripe, by the senior citizens standards, to be taken on to the next level, a 2 year relationship like her's may be viewed as past its sell-by date. It's not really a death sentence, I mean, she could call it quits anytime, but having put in so much effort, sweat and tears into this relationship without asking for anything much in return, she has a right to feel hard done by, no matter how much she loves him. As the song goes, "A car this fine, don't pass your way everyday....."

It's not so much about marrying the one you love but loving the one you marry. Somehow, that line just seems to echo much louder now.

Between fun and safety...

I remember a few days back listening to the radio on my way to work and the deejays were discussing about an underaged disco party which starts from 8.30pm till 4am in the morning. I'm not a party animal, in fact, I dun party. The only times I stepped into a nightspot was going to Hard Rock Cafe in KL and Singapore with friends and for a DnD. Yeap, as dumb as it sounds, my old company decided to have a DnD at Hard Rock Cafe Singapore. Suffice to say, I left as soon as the event was over.

Also recently, the Singapore Police Force (SPF) started routine checks on teenagers loitering in public areas after midnight or something like that. What are we trying to tell the young? It's ok to party till 4am but not to loiter after midnight? I guess the kids going to these parties need to have a written consent from their parents to be allowed entry or better still, they must be accompanied by an adult to be allowed entry.

Kids being kids, will always clamour for more freedom and trust from their parents. I was the same when I was a kid myself. The first time I went to catch a movie with friends was when I was doing my pre-university studies. That was when I got my motorcycle licence, after much clamouring, pleading and a little devious plan to go to the furthest school possible. Anyway, parents are unlikely to give that much freedom to their kids, not because they dun trust their kids, but probably out of concern and distrust of the world at large.

A friend of mine, wanted to take a trip up to Terengganu for a 2 days 1 night trip. In fact, the 4 of them had planned to take a road trip along the East Coast of Malaysia. All without knowing what the road conditions were like. When I drove up the Cherating last December, I had illusions that the road will be like 20 meters away from the beach from Mersing all the way up to Cherating. Boy, was I wrong. The first time I saw the beach and the sea was 50km from Kuantan. Most of the rest was lined up by trees on either side. Unlike the NS Highway, there were no real rest stops along the way, so we had to stop at the few roadside stalls selling drinks. Not the most sanitary ones you would find. Flies all over.

Anyway, I told her what to expect and did discourage her from the trip. It was too far and she had too little time to enjoy the trip, it would have been a waste. In any case, her mom wouldn't have allowed it. Call me sexist but I don't believe it's safe for a group of girls to go on such a long trip. I guess it's just my paternal instincts, but if my daughter wanted to go on a road trip anywhere outside of Singapore, I would have said no myself. Being young, idealistic and full of exuberance and enthusiasm, she was chaffed at my insinuations that girls need protection from the guys.

Well, like I said to her, statistics show that most robbers are men and most robbing victims are women. Same goes for sexual offences. Yeap, men are the bad guys, some, driven by the need to provide for their family, read women and children, and unable to do so, they turn to crime, knowing full well that they can easily prey on women. Some are just hedonistic. The fact is women are more susceptible to being victims of crime than men. Women claim to be just as strong and just as tough, but when push comes to shove, they are still the weaker sex. Those who want to dispute, answer this, why has there been no women contesting the World Heavyweight Boxing crown or why women can't match up to men in the 100 metres dash?

The bottomline is that most parents would rather have their children be safe and bored than have their children have a taste of life and be exposed to all the elements, bad ones notwithstanding.

The world is getting too twisted....even for me

Wow, It's been more than a week since my last post - my longest hiatus yet. Nooooo.....it's not that I have gotten tired of blogging my thoughts or that I have run out of material since I started my bitchfest. Actually, part of the reason is work, getting prepared for the ISO Audit - man, I hate those things. The other part is that I have been unable to blog due to some technical issues with the host. All's well now, thank goodness.

So what have we missed?? Hmmmmm......

The killer of the 2-yr old girl, Nonoi, whose disappearance brought out the best amongst Singaporeans. Come to think of it, her disappearance galvanised the immediate community to launch search parties and the general public offering moral support to her family. To the shock of those closest to the victim, the person responsible for her death was her own step-dad. Heck, I was caught by surprise myself. At the back of my partially-sordid mind, at best, I thought it was an uncle or some family friend. Well, I'm just waiting for the court case to start to find out more sordid details, in the meantime, my heart goes out to the family, distraught is too simple a word to describe their feelings rite now. God have mercy on her soul.

Oh, the killer of the businessman in the Serangoon shooting has also been caught. He was hiding out in KL waiting to make his way to Thailand, probably further, to any country with no extradition treaty with Singapore most probably. There was this other death of a young Vietnamese lady who was pushed or jumped out a high-floor, pretty much half-naked. The last bit of news these last few days took the cake. 4 malay guys allegedly staged a kidnapping of 2 Indonesian businessman out of some financial dispute. When I first heard the news, I thought to myself, are they crazy??

Apart from drug traficking and cold-blooded murder, kidnapping is another crime which warrants the death penalty. I could only hope that these misguided souls did not actually mean to kidnap for ransom, else, nothing short of a short drop and sudden stop awaits them.

On a much happier note, albeit, slightly sordid, on my part, Slobodan Milosevic is dead. It's a bit premature considering he was awaiting the International Tribunal to start proceedings against him for genocide. He was after all the "Butcher of the Balkan". The man who was, single-handedly and unrepentantly, a murderer of thousands of Croats and Bosnians, in the name of creating a single and powerful Serbian nation, "cleansed" of other races. Despite his single-mindedness and undoubted brutality, he was revered, or at the very least, admired, in his own country. I still find it difficult to understand how a mass-murderer such as him could be afforded a funeral worthy of a respected statesman and bereavement by the public in Serbia.

While I do admit I am a little sordid, taking into account I do look at grissly and gruesome pictures, ala "Faces of Death", I think it is overly-sordid to grieve the passing of a man who stands accused of genocide. Hmmmm, then again, it's not that out of place considering the twisted minds who run the most powerful nations in the world.

Getting of our bums...

Wow, I finally got that out of my system. Feels good, though, in retrospect, I realised that I shouldn't have publicly laid everything, well, almost everything, out in the open for everyone to read about them. It's not so much a tinge of regret that makes me re-evaluate why I posted those things about them because I feel I am justified in my anger. Rather it is a sense of self-respect, not my respect for them, cos it is negligible. Any self respecting person would know that such things are best to be kept within the confines of those involved but I never felt like I was welcome.

OK, enough already. I'm not taking my posts down. If, at any time, they gather enough inteligence to stumble upon this site, I'll just let them have a piece of my mind. Honestly, they do deserve this.

It dawned on me that the problem s I face are not atypical of the normal Malay family. Dr Mahathir wrote his book, The Malay Dilemma, in the hope of opening the eyes of his fellow Malays. A lot has been said to stereotype Malays as a lazy race. To a certain extent, this is true. I'm not going to hide from the truth just because I am a Malay. The fact of the matter is, I am, admittedly, lazy - when it comes to certain things. But when the proper motivation is there, the laziness vanishes.

Malays are not lazy, we are just easily-contented. That's why we are equally happy to be living in the city as we are living in the rural areas. But ask any Malay and they'll surely love to stay in a rural environment. I guess this all stems from our Muslim upbringing of being thankful to Allah for what we have. This is further exacerbated, by the typical laid-back attitude of the Malays. We seldom think far or plan ahead. Dr Mahathir saw this at an early stage of Malaysia's economic development and it, rightfully so, worried him.

Thankfully, the new generation of Malays include many visionaries who has long since elevated themselves and their thinking to a whole new different levels. Malays have always been a second class race when it comes to economics, but we are catching up with the rest. The presence of a brilliant few has provided fresh impetus for the younger generation to emulate them. Rather than have to fight for scraps as we did before, we are now fighting for a bigger sice of the pie. This could only bode well for the future of not only the Malays, but also for Singapore.

I just wish that more Malays would realise this and strive to to be a success instead of just sitting there, lamenting their luck and blaming it all on fate. Belief in fate without the sweat and tears will get one nowhere. Hope my bro-in-laws realises this.

A silver lining

Some of the people who read my blog has commented that I am being bitchy and it was, in retrospect, a bit uncivilised dissing out your family members online, where everyone could see. I do agree with those thoughts, however, consider being in my position having to deal with these kind of irresponsible behaviour on almost a daily basis.

Imagine having bought gifts for your nephew (my 1st bro-in-law's son), and spent 2-3 hours joking around with him about him getting a new handphone from his dad for passing his PSLA. Imagine you joked with him about him secretly SMSing an imaginary girlfriend behind his authoritarian mother's back. Imagine the mom and dad (my 1st sis and bro-in-law) laughing along. Then, imagine your in-laws going behind your back after you have left and complaining to your mom-in-law that you were teaching their son bad things by joking about SMSing a girlfriend. How would you feel?

I have since sworn to my wife that I would never step my foot in his house unless I am invited as part of a family gathering. This is the same guy who asked me to come to his house while me and my wife were dating, only for him to give me a lecture about the perils of riding bikes and him telling me not to ride a bike whenI go out with his sister. Needless to say, I ignored him. I mean my mom and dad had nothing to say about me riding, heck, they even bought me my first bike!!

I have never really felt as part of my in-laws' family. To them, I will always be an outsider. I spoke out against transferring the house my MIL and FIL lives in to my 2nd BIL. No one listened. Now, he is in a financial mess and my MIL and FIL can't have peace of mind. My 73 yr old FIL has to work as a security guard to make ends meet now. I have been telling my parents-in-law to stay with me and let my 2nd BIL settle their financial issues but they refused. Now, my 2nd BIL is pissed with my wife for telling me everything that goes on. Last I checked, we are still married and she is my responsibility as much as I am hers.

The only silver lining is my wife. I still call her gutless for not standing up to her brothers but I understand that her refusal to standup to them is for the sake of her mother. She is a model daughter. She'd rather be in pain that see her mom suffer. So being the good daughter she is, she supports her mom financially when her brothers don't or won't. In fact, for a long while, she was a better daughter than she was a wife. Rather than let the whole thing boil over, she kept the issues to herself and, basically, let it tear her to shreds. This in turn, almost destroyed our marriage. She became very agitated at every little thing and caused a lot of friction in our relationship.

It was a good thing we managed to work things out tho. A buddy of mine said we make a great team, I think so too. That's why I fought tooth and nail to salvage my marriage. Thankfully, she realised her mistakes.She knows now what was the impact of her brothers actions, or inactions, had on everyone and not to hide things away from me especially if it concerns us.

Honestly, things are not getting any better, but I'll just see what happens next. I'll probably walk out of the family with my wife and leave them to themselves. If my mum and dad-in-law wants to join me and my wife, they are welcome. Just dun bring the damn extended family.

More dirty linen.....

Hmmmmmmmm......where do I even begin?

It seems like I am a person who has no respect for my elders for slanging them in public like this. It's as if I have no morals or shame to talk about my in-laws. It's like I am shaming the in public. People who know me will say that I am a person who gives respect and credit where it is due. But I have to admit, I am a bit hot-headed especially when I feel like I am being taken advantage of.

It's the same with my BILs. I have lost my respect for them as they have done nothing to command that respect. Take my 2nd BIL, the "brainless" one, he is 37, married with 3 kids, all below 5 years of age, has primary education and dreams of building a successful business. There is no harm in that, except that he only ever dreams about it.

When I first met him, he was doing OK considering his educational level. He earned enough to support his family and takes good care of his obligations. The trouble all started when he started his first business, which I knew of, which was a car-wash. The shop was doing OK. Everything was well, but he decided to let other people run his shop and ruin it. That's where he made his first loss. No harm done.

Then came the second business op. A mushroom supplying business with his cousin in Malaysia. He took a $12k loan from a bank in Singapore with my then-fiancee as guarantor. I was against her being a guarantor citing his bad business acumen, but she was adamant about helping her brother, who was I to stop her then anyway. So, he loaned and she guaranteed the loan. 3 months into the business, it failed spectacularly andnow he is saddled with a loan which was a long way from being settled. To top it all off, he quit his good-paying job in Singapore in the hope of the returns which never materialised. Just before the mushroom venture failed, he bought a condo in JB, adding on to his debts. So, here he was, saddled with the bank loan, home loan, car loan in JB and bike loan. One has to wonder how all these loans were ever gonna be serviced.

Honestly, I'm not pissed at his business failures, what I am pissed about is the way he act as if it is only affecting him and his own family. He's oblivious to the fact that his action, or inactions, causes strain to appear in the extended family. Whilst he stayed in Ayer Hitam, Johor, I drove my wife and MIL every other week there to bring back his eldest daughter who is Singaporean. His 2 younger sons are Malaysians. Dun ask.

Every trip we made, we were forced to come face to face with their irresponsible behaviour. Why? Simply because, when we arrived at 2-3pm, the kids were almost always hungry as they haven't had their breakfast even. So, instead of being invited to eat at his place, which he never did, we were asked to sometimes buy food for his whole family, as they had no money for daily expenses even. Now, he's back in Singapore and staying with his mother. He's now earning $5/hr in a fast food joint with almost a few hundred dollars in debts to service each month. His 5 year-old daughter is yet to recognise letters, let alone read. Seriously, if not for his lovable kids and the fact that my wife is his guarantor, I would have left him to work things out himself

Why am I telling all these intimate details about him? That's because it is these intimate details that caused the friction between me and my wife. She would always stop me from confronting my BILs and let them have a piece of my mind saying we have to respect our elders. I think I am past that and am fully justified in my anger towards them. Actually, there's more to it, just that I feel nauseous thinking about this whole thing.

Washing my laundry in public

Boy meets girl, they both fall in love, they get married and they live happily ever after. Ideal isn't it?

Boy meets girl, they both fall in love, they get married, they quarrel and argue a lot because of in-laws and the live happily only when the in-laws are not in the way. Sounds more realistic. Paints a better picture of the realities of 2 people from different backgrounds living together in matrimony. Sadly, it's the case for most couples. I'm no exception.

The norm is for the bride having problems acclimitising to new environs with her in-laws. The grooms normally have no problem adapting and making changes in their lives, though, there are cases to the contrary. My wife and I were the norm. She had initial problems getting used to my family but got over that with time, I was like a duck taking to the water for the first time. It was a smooth transition at the beginning. Then, the ripples in the pond turned to huge tidal waves that threatened my sanity.

Actually, I get along fine with most people I meet. The same goes for my in-laws. My father and mother-in-law are great. They let me do my own things and don't really interfere with my wife and my lives. For the first few months after marriage, things were great. Then, it started to happen. The problems stem from my brothers-in-law. Put it simply the first one is spineless while the second one is brainless. Unfortunately, my wife falls into that "less" category as well - gutless. I'll come to that later.

About the first brother-in-law (BIL), like I said, spineless. He's 40, married with 2 lovely and slightly spoilt kids, a boy, 12, and a girl, 9. His wife, while good in the kitchen and managing the household, is a little authoritarian. So being spineless, he, rather than stand up for himself, just lets his wife make a lot of the decisions. For example, when an uncle from Batu Pahat in Johor came over and wanted to visit his family, he actually asked his wife if they could come over. At the same time, my wife asked me if that uncle to could stay at our house, I welcomed them with open arms, in fact, I suggested to them to stay over at my place. My BIL did not even offer his dwelling to his own uncle, who is his dad's younger brother.

Another thing that pisses me off to no end about him is his usage of the old car. My mum-in-law bought a second-hand Suzuki Swift for my wife after she obtained her driving liscence. This was before we got married. My MIL paid for the downpayment while my then-fiancee-now-wife paid the monthly installments. She never did drive the car to work as she didn't dare to do so. So, her elder brother drove it to work everyday. Besides getting free use of the car to work, he also drives the car to ferry his family and his in-laws. Just not his own mother. Oh, that's not the worst part, he gives his mother $50 for sustainance every month, but only, and only if he could afford to give his MIL the same amount.

After the car was scrapped, he bought a new Proton Wira with some of the proceeds of the old car which he paid a nominal sum for in the first place. The rest went to my wife and her mum but my wife gave her share to her mum. It took me 6 mths to hear him even offer his own mother a ride in his car or offered to take her to do some marketing. Even now, after almost a year of him getting a car, I am hard-pressed to recall of an instance where he took his mum to the market. Honestly, one of the biggest reason why I decided to get my own car was out of pity for my MIL. To think that she actually bought for him his first car and he got to use my wife's car for practially nothing, and the way he sidelines her now, really makes my blood boil.

FYI, ever since I got my car, it has been a non-stop ferry service catering to my MIL. I'm not complaining about having to do her son's work, I'm just bloody pissed at that irresponsible so-called adult she calls her son. Tomorrow, we'll diss the other son. I think that'll be twice as long.

Learning from history

Well, well, well, let me see. Been a week since my last post here. Not that I've run out of ideas on what to comment on. On the contrary, I was just busy with work. Got an internal audit coming up tomorrow, followed by an internal review, which will then be followed by the actual external audit. Damn, that's hard to even think about.

OK, enough about work, this blog's about me and my thoughts, not my job.

A lot has happened in this little red dot on the world atlas. The murderer/executioner of the businessman in Serangoon has, at last, been caught, in KL, of all places. Thank God for that. Just when we thought the streets are safe, another murder case echoes through the airwaves. a 2-year old girl allegedly murdered by her own doting stepdad. Having gone missing since 1st March, a search was conducted by the Police and relatives of the girl culminating in the discover of the body on the 4th. What was worse was the fact that the stepdad maintained that he didn't know what happened to her and pleaded with the public to assist in finding the victim. If it were a movie, he'd have gotten my vote for best actor.

Whatever the motive or the circumstances, both crimes, to me, are unforgivable. There is no justification for cold-blooded murder. I say, let's string them up, and then drawn, emasculated and quartered. Come to think of it, such medieval and archaic punishment wouldn't be out of place considering the crime.

Ooohhh, talking about history.....

The recent passing of Mr S Rajaratnam made me think. How many of us knew who he was and what his contributions were? Well, from the deserved publicity the man got, some of us has finally begun to rediscover our national heritage and history. I mean, talk about the old guard of the government, people like, Dr Goh Keng Swee, Mr Othman Wok, Dr Toh Chin Chye, Mr David Marshall and a lot of other dignitaries, how many of us had ever even heard of their names, let alone knew of the significance of their contributions? How many of us can tell who penned the Majulah Singapura and who came up with the National Flag?

I remember flipping through the old secondary school history textbooks and reading about how Dr Sun Yat Sen became the Father of modern China, how Sang Nila Utama discovered Singapore, how Raffles founded Singapore and the history of the Straits Settlements. The thing about learning history is that we must be able to relate history and learn from it. Do we know what caused the racial riots of the 1950s and 1960s? How do we relate the founding of modern China to Singapore's growth and independence? I think it's about time for our Education Ministry to rethink the syllabus and ensure such figures and events which shaped our national identity are not forgotten.

I've never really spoken about the root of the problems which I've had. I think I had better pen it down somewhere, and it just so happens that I have an online blog!!!!!!!!! What convenience!!!!!!!!

What better way to wash your dirty linen than online. I think I'll leave it for another day. A day's worth of blog ain't enough to quell my anger and frustration.